What Lies Beyond
I recently read the book, The Lovely Bones, which was both hauntingly tragic and wondrously hopeful—a combination that has been omnipresent in my own life. I highly recommend this book as it is beautifully written, with a compelling story: the author, Alice Sebold, takes us through a family journey through the eyes of a dead fourteen-year-old girl named Susie Salmon, who was raped and murdered in the 1970’s. Although the rape and murder of Susie is a major theme in the book, I would argue that it is less important than other themes: the most important is both the fragility and strength of the human spirit, which she artistically weaves throughout the book.
One of my favorite aspects of the book was Susie’s version of Heaven, which was not at all what she expected while alive—and one that I am quite sure that most of us would not expect either. Interestingly enough, while Heaven is a theme—there is not a mention of Hell of any kind—not that you would expect Susie to wind up in Hell—after all, she was an innocent fourteen year old. However, you would expect that there would be some revelation of Hell of some kind—particularly in relation to the darker elements in the story: those who do unspeakable deeds, such as rape and murder—particularly to a child. However, there was no mention of hell, which I appreciated because I always felt that life on earth forces us through our own personal hells—which we must learn to escape while journeying through life. This was certainly true in my case.
I don’t really believe in Heaven—although I am hopeful that I will be able to connect on some spiritual level, the people I've loved in this life. However, it was interesting to read Sebold’s take on Heaven. In The Lovely Bones, everyone has their own version of Heaven, which makes sense to me. Why would my Heaven be the same as an NFL player, after all? While he may enjoy the violent mashing of bodies and brain injuries—well, let’s just say that might actually be my own version of Hell.
In this Heaven, anything we desire is possible—except of course, becoming alive again. Therefore, in my own Heaven, I might become that famous actress I once set my sights on. Alternatively, perhaps I would win a Pulitzer Peace Prize. Or perhaps I would finally have that happy childhood I always desired. In the book, if you concentrated hard enough, your personal Heaven would give you those desires.
The book made me think of death also—which was final but comfortingly, not so final. In Susie’s Heaven, she met up with her grandfather upon his death and this is something I have always hoped for: that I would once again meet up with all the lovely people that meant so much to me at one time. During the 1980’s, when so many of my friends died from AIDS—as well as from overdoses and suicides, the only way I could cope was through the belief that I would one day see them again. Rationally, I am not sure I ever really believed this would be so—but fantastically, I wished so much that it would be so. In fact, I talked myself into believing that would be the case because it made letting go so much easier.
I think for some, that this book would help comfort them in the uncertainty of what lies beyond our life on earth. For me, I need no comfort here, as I am not afraid of death: I have been faced with death on too many occasions. Once, when I overdosed on heroin, I was told that I had stopped breathing and my heart had stopped beating: I was dead. In that experience, as soon as the heroin hit my veins, my last thought before lying on the couch was a great sense of peace and warmth. I expect it to be that way when I finally do leave this earth. Until then, I plan to wring out all I can out of life and appreciate it for the gift that it is. Susie’s story can remind all of us that life can be snuffed out so unexpectedly and that all of us should work toward having no regrets when our time does come.
Peace,
Melinda
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Categories: Spirituality,Friendship,Death,Living in the Moment,Crossroads,LIfe,Addiction and Recovery,Healing the Past
Tags: Dealing with Death Heaven What Lies Beyond The Lovely Bones Death Alice Siebold
Hi Melinda,
I read this book a couple of years ago and while I don't remember all the details, I do remember being profoundly moved by the book. My roommate at the time read it also and having lost her father about 10 years ago, found the novel to be cathartic. She really connected less to the message of a personal heaven and more to the grieving of the family that is left behind. It is a beautifully written book and Alice Sebold's most recent novel about the death of her mother is similarly moving. She is high on my list of writers I admire. Thanks for the review! --ST
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Hey Still--
I have heard that the book about her mother is very good and I am looking forward to reading it. It's on my short list--because I really loved The Lovely Bones so much. I agree that the grieving of the family -- and ultimately, how they overcome such tragedy is very compelling. It was such a brutally honest look at a family's dynamic when faced with such unspeakable tragedy.
Melinda
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One thing I noticed when reading The Lovely Bones were some of the geographical details, supposedly in Norristown, PA, which didn't make any sense--such as going to the 7-Eleven on Rt. 30, which is nowhere near Norristown. Then I read her rape memoir--the name of which escapes me, at the moment, but, actually, I thought was a much better book than the Lovely Bones--in which I found at that she went to my high school (meaning that, like me, she actually lived a reasonable distance from the 7-11 on Rt. 30) a couple years before me, and we had some of the same teachers, and my mom is almost positive from the description of where the girl's abducted in the Lovely Bones that it's based on an area right behind what used to be the junior high school...which, for two years, was as true a personal hell as I've experienced...
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How interesting that you grew up so close to where Sebold did, Jay--and interesting take on the book.
I heard about her rape memoir a while ago--but I wasn't reading any memoirs while writing mine--but I do plan to read it now.
I'm so glad that you were able to escape that personal hell--I experienced a very similar one in my own high school years.
Melinda
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I also read the Lovely Bones and really enjoyed it. It was that book several years ago that every chick on
the subway was reading (2 years ago it was "Water for Elephants"). I also recently saw the film version, which despite terrible reviews, wasn't too bad and remained
quite faithful to the novel. You could do worse when it comes out on video....
Anyway, thanks again to Melinda for writing such a
thought provoking and enjoyable blog entry!
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Thanks Eddie! I appreciate your coming by. I remember when this book first came out--and I planned on reading it then but only got around to it recently when I was reminded of it when the film came out.
I do want to see the film--if for no other reason than to see Tucci's performance, which I have heard is amazing. I think I will wait until it comes out on video, though.
Melinda
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Although I do not believe in either heaven or hell, if I DID believe, then the belief would be much like yours: just as each person's life is highly individual, so must be one's life after death.
I had not heard of this book but after reading your view of it, it seems intriguing. I shall look for it next time I am in the bookstore. Thanks!
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Hey SV--I don't spend much time trying to figure out what happens after death--I think the far more important thing to do is to concentrate on enjoying/making the most out of life. My own personal beliefs are shaped by both Buddhism and Native American spirituality, more than any organized religion (which I do not adhere to). I would love to think I will see some of my old friends that I have missed so much, again, at some point.
I really do recommend this book--it's like a murder mystery turned into true literature.
Melinda
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My daughter read the book in high school and was deeply affected by it. The whole idea of the murdered girl looking down from heaven really fascinated her. She was having a lot of anxiety about death at the time, and I think the thought of some kind of afterlife was very appealing. She made copious notes which I still have lying around the house somewhere in an old spiral notebook.
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Hey NP--I think high school/adolescence is a time where many people feel anxiety about death. That's about the time when formal operational thought starts working and that's the type of thought that is involved in thinking about abstract issues, such as what happens after death. I remember being faced with a friend's death at the age of 15--and it shook me very much. I think many people would be comforted by Sebold's book. How wonderful that your daughter took notes! I always do that myself--and those notes have been so interesting to read at later stages of my life.
As always, thank you for your thoughtful comments and for stopping by--
Melinda
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Hi Melinda,
I've just discovered your blog, and your story truly inspired me. I Am almost 30, using heroin since I am 16, and struggle throught a life stuck in this addiction. I am trying for the one hundred time to stop. Just want to say that your story gives me hope. Congratulation to you to have lived all this, especially to have been able to manage your addiction. This is big...It's hard.
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Liloo,
I hope that something in my own story can help give you the strength to overcome your addiction to heroin. It's impossible for me to really convey how drastically different my life is today from how it was over 16 years ago (when I was last addicted). There is a much better life out there--and here's my hope that you can find the inner strength to battle this demon. You are right--it is big--and it is hard. But when there is life, there is hope!
Take very good care, my friend--and please let me know if I can do anything to help you--
Melinda
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The fact that life can change so fast and whit great surprise made me keeping hope. But I know that for some things, like heroin addiction, things will not change by magic.. I still have hope, and I will do my best to go trough that, even if I find it soo hard and sometime ( often ) I just want to be high... I truly thanks you for your words.. You really seams to be a great human and I wish you the best.
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You are right, Liloo--things don't change by magic. But things can change when you make your own magic. It's really hard to stop doing heroin--and I know more than anyone that a person has to wait until the time is right in order to succeed. I do hope that time comes soon for you because addiction is terribly hard on a person--on one's physical and psychological health--and on a person's soul. I really do wish the best for you and would help you in any way I possibly could.
Take care, my friend--
Melinda
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Thank you again very much, just your words help. You are really sweet and you did'nt even know me. Thats touch me.
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I do care about you, Liloo--I honestly do and hope so much that you can someday find recovery.
Melinda
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Hi Melinda: Another great book is The Five People You meet in Heaven, by Mitch Alboim. I also love the movie "What Dreams May Come" which came out in the '90's. I refer to myself as a "recovering Catholic"...when I was 16, I had a revelation that heaven and Hell are all around us. My father was very into religion, but that did not stop what he did to me and my sisters...so I tend to be allergic to organized religion...interesting...he frequently told me I was a slut and a hedonist growing up...so I pretty much became one in my 20's and 30's...until I hit the wall, had kids (not sure how that connects)and got into recovery. I never really worried much about life after death...I have had dreams about past lives as far back as I can remember (since I was about 3 or so)....for me, it was more of a question of "is there life after birth?" Anyhow...I really appreciate your writing...
XOXO
Trish
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Hi Tricia,
I have heard about that book and it is also on my reading list. I saw the movie, "What Dreams May Come" and it moved me as well.
Some of the *MOST* dysfunctional people I have ever met were religious zealots--and those are the worst, in my opinion. The ones that pretend to have spirituality but their actions speak otherwise.
It sounds as though our fathers had a lot in common.
I'm so glad you stopped by, my friend--
Melinda
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Melinda, where are we going to get justice if there is no life after death and where are we going to be in peace if there is no heaven. I believe in Heaven and that blessed people will be able to meet their blessed families.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and belief and this story please check this amazing web:
www.evidencesofcreation.com
May God Bless Us
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You ask wonderful questions, my dear friend--and my answer is that I do not know. I struggle with organized religion but I feel I am a very spiritual person at this point of my life (you cannot go through what I have and not be touched, spiritually).
The good news is that, at some point, all of us will have the answer as to what really happens after life. The bad news is that we won't be able to tell anyone we know!
I respect your beliefs very much and I am grateful for all that Guiding Friends has taught me about the Quran, which I so appreciate. I am still finding my way, spiritually.
Melinda
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Melinda, wow! your following words are wonderful and true too:
"The good news is that, at some point, all of us will have the answer as to what really happens after life. The bad news is that we won't be able to tell anyone we know!"
I also had been living in between belief and disbelief for first twenty years of my life but because I believe now I wish to share it with my fellows and loved ones.
Thanks for the respect and thank you so much for appreciating my blog, don't forget Melinda that you're a VIP visitor of my blog. I hope you will be happy to see the new changes I have made in the look and design of Guiding Friends.
Best Wishes!
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Dear Ibn Hanif,
I must go check out Guiding Friends right now!
And shucks
I'm off to go check out GF right now!
Melinda
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