Hope for the Holidays
Since I began writing this blog, I have heard from so many people who are in pain—of all different varieties. Some are struggling with addiction, others are overcoming childhoods of abuse, some are in abusive adult relationships, and some are simply overcome with depression or other psychological maladies. I have been right where they are—in fact, I have been to the extreme measure of psychological fragility, when I spent nearly every day for five solid months considering the various methods by which I should commit suicide. I was dead serious.
The last holiday before I went into treatment was a particularly brutal one. I’d had some nasty Christmas’s in the past 15 years—where I would spend the day in a hazy fog of depression and drugs but it was last Holiday when the real shit finally hit the fan. I had been homeless for several months, spending my time drifting in and out of temporary places—whoever would have me. By Christmas, almost everyone I knew had tired of my coming around when I needed help and then disappearing when money was needed.
Therefore, on Christmas 1993, I spent the day with Lou and his buddy Tinny, who had a rundown storefront, which they converted into a living space. They were a couple of scraggly street cats; their ‘business’ was going into abandoned homes, ‘liberating’ whatever belongings they came across that they felt were worth money, and then selling them at local flea markets around the city. What they were doing was stealing others belongings but I did not judge them—after some of the things I had done, who was I to judge?
Business had been slow for Lou and Tinny and they were almost as broke as I was. By this time, I was working on the street, which I did do on Christmas Eve, earning enough money for a bag of heroin and a couple rocks of crack cocaine. I’d vowed the night before to save enough cash so we could all go out to dinner at an inexpensive restaurant on Christmas day—but as usual, as soon as I started doing drugs on Christmas Eve, that plan vanished into a wisp of smoke from the crack pipe. Therefore, on Christmas day, Lou, Tinny, and I found ourselves at the local soup kitchen, where we at least had a traditional Christmas dinner.
After, we went back to the ramshackle storefront and drank the last of a bottle of Jack Daniels. It dawned on me then that my life was no longer worth living. Even though my belly was full and I did have a warm place to sleep that night—the full reality of the failure of my life hit me hard and fast. I wanted out of this life. I knew on that Christmas night that I would end it once and for all—it was just a matter of figuring out how.
On that Christmas day, I didn’t dream that in less than a month, I would be leaving the streets and entering The Freedom House. If someone had told me, I would have never believed it. I was given a gift so spectacular on January 18, 1994—the best gift any person could ever dream of. Instead of death, I was given a new life and I am truly grateful for that opportunity.
When life seems most hopeless, remember that change can happen and that it will happen. Don’t ever give up and don’t ever wish for death. Life is a gift and where there is life, there is always hope. I’m living proof.
Happy holidays to all—and may the New Year bring each of you health and happiness.
Peace,
Melinda
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Categories: Healing,Crossroads,Inspiration,Prostitution,Gratitude,Addiction and Recovery,Memories,Courage
Tags: courage prostitution hope for the Holidays drug addiction inspiration crossroads drug abuse gratitude healing Holiday hopelessness
Hiya Melinda,
Glad to see you're well... all croissants and coffee here (almost!!)
Anyway, just wishing you a wonderful christmas and New Year...
My Best Wishes, Shane. x
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Shane! So nice to see you! Glad to hear your 'all croissants and coffee (almost!!!)' That's better than a sharp stick in the eye, anyway!
Have a wonderful Holidays yourself.
Melinda
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Melinda, Thanks for sharing more memories of your past.
Melinda, your following words give full description of the pain you had in your past : "when I spent nearly every day for five solid months considering the various methods by which I should commit suicide."
I can understand the pain in these words because there were such days in my life as well when I also used
to consider "the best way" of commiting suicide. But thanks to Allah Who protected me at a time when I was really feeling that there was no option left for me except suicide. But thank God I'm living a peaceful life and wish to live a meaningful life for long.
Melinda, although my life was also saved but I'm not doing much to inspire others for I can't write such great inspiring thoughts as you have been writing and here is a an example of your inspiring words for spreading hope and peace. "When life seems most hopeless, remember that change can happen and that it will happen. Don’t ever give up and don’t ever wish for death. Life is a gift and where there is life, there is always hope. I’m living proof."
keep up your good job!
God Bless You!
Ibn Hanif
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My dearest friend,
I am so happy that you found Allah and that he saved you. I am so very happy that your life is now rich and peaceful and that you are now passing along so much hope and humanity to others through 'Guiding Friends.'
You are a fine writer and a fine blogger, my friend--and getting better all the time.
Thank you so much for your friendship in the past year--I am so happy to have gotten to know you.
Take care, my friend--
Melinda
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My mom always says 'Its always darkest before dawn. When you can no longer see the stars, that's when the sun is about to rise'. Time and time again, i have seen the truth of those words. I'm so glad the sun rose for you on that Jan 18th, Melinda. May that sun continue to shine bright over you. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your husband and all the wonderful friends who make your life beautiful.
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Your mom is right Lade! And I am also so very happy that sun rose on me--it had been really dark for quite some time.
Happiest Holiday to you, my friend--take care!
Melinda
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Here's hoping for happy holidays for you, as well.
I just got home doing my Tuesday night tutoring gig with women and recovery, though it wasn't too productive, taken up as it was with a holiday party, for which a whole lot of food and goodies were brought in...which made it a very nice, hopeful scene, for these women who need all the hope they can get.
It's funny how, actually, the people I have the most hope for are the older women, who seem most wounded--they've seen the worst, and really seem dedicated to using what faculties they have left to make a new start. The young cute ones, one the other hand, worry me--and all the more so because I think they really have the potential to turn things around completely live the kinds of good lives where their friends would never believe the things they did when they were younger. And yet...they don't seem to be taking shit seriously, and I can't help suspecting that their most fervent hopes involve getting out and partying again....
So, the best I can do is try to pass on my hopes for them to them, try to let them know what I think they're capable of...and, of course, it's true, that hope is wherever there's life...
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Jay--I definitely agree with you on the older women. I think there really is something to be said for reaching a terrible, hard bottom that is a long time in coming. When you do finally crash and really burn (for those of us lucky enough to live that long), we are really committed to recovery when we are given that gift. Some of us (like me--who have a really hard head) need a really hard bottom to finally convince them that there is a better way.
It's wonderful that you are doing what you are, Jay--I really thank you for that.
Have a wonderful Holiday--and may the New Year bring you continued health and happiness.
Melinda
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On January 18, 1994, a young woman in deep distress took a step out of the darkness into the light and a whole new world of love and learning and joy opened up to her. And now she's become a light herself and an inspiration for others to take that step. Melinda, dear friend-what a wonderful life you've had!
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NP, I'm impressed how nicely you've summerised Melinda's present life in this single comment. I also have similar understanding of her life.
I wish all the best to all readers of Melinadville.
Best Wishes for Melinda as well.
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I apologize for the delay in responding to your lovely comment, NP--I have been entertaining friends and family members over the Holiday.
What you said is absolutely true--it's been a wonderful life!
Melinda
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I hope you're having a far better time this year than that.
Wishing you all the very best for 2010
;->...
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Absolutely, Gledwood--I truly am. All the best to you in the New Year as well!
Melinda
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Hi melinda,your blog is really Interesting and beautiful to the viewer, i suggest that u should go for blog advertising and marketing. there is a website called blogerzoom.com which will promote your blog through all over the network at very cheap prices..
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Thank you, Jennifer--I will check that out!
Melinda
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Melinda,
I hope you are having a relaxing holiday with very few computer problems and just the right amount of snow. And I also hope to see you in the new year --which I think will be a banner year for you!
With affection,
Jennifer
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Hi Melinda... Merry Christmas to you and family, also to all reader here
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Thank you so much, Tikno! And to you, as well.
Take care,
Melinda
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Wow, this post was worth coming back and back and back to try to read! Honestly, I tried on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the 26th...and your blog just ground around in the "loading" state for so long I jumped away. Just now I decided to sit it out and wait. It took almost five minutes for the page to load. Melinda, have you added something new to your site lately? Reason I ask is because I am not experiencing this degree of waiting time to access any other blog!
But, as I said, your excellent post was so worth reading and I'm glad I returned. Thank you so much for your sweet holiday greeting at my blog.
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Hi Lydia,
I'm glad you came back! I just deleted one of my recent entries (Tastes Like Nostalgia) because I think the pictures in that were causing the site to load very slowly. Sorry about that!
Thank you so much for your sweet comments--I hope you are having a marvelous Holiday week!
Melinda
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Melinda, I hope you had a wonderful holiday! I am so thankful that you received hope when you did; you certainly have made an impact on my own life and healing.
Happy New Year!
Jennifer
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Happy New Year, Jennifer! One of the greatest things about starting my blog was to feel connected to so many women with whom I share similar experiences. I think we all get strength from each other.
Here's to a wonderful 2010!
Melinda
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What a beautiful post. Melinda, you never cease to amaze with your incite and keen recollections. Reading your blog always makes me thankful and reflective of the life I have, and hopeful of what lies ahead. Thanks for sharing!
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Hey Baby!
Thanks so much for stopping by! And thank you also for your kind comments. I love you sooo much, Eddie!
xxoo,
Melinda
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Melinda, I'm back again on this old post (is not it too old). Just want to know why am I not seeing a new post at Melindaville, my favourite blog?
Best Wishes!
Ibn Hanif
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Hello Ibn Hanif--Thank you for checking in on me!
I am going to be posting a new entry a little later today. I had family and friends in over the Holiday and just didn't have much time for writing. But Melindaville is going to be back up and running strong for the new year now that the Holidays are over.
I hope you had a wonderful Holiday season!
Melinda
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Melinda, I'm glad to know that a new entry is not too far away, InshaaAllah (God willing).
I'm also happy because I think these were some good reasons (busy with family and friends) for the delay.
I pray for you, for your family and for your friends.
Ibn Hanif
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I so appreciate your thoughts and prayers, my friend. My new entry shall be up shortly! I am just putting the final finishing touches on it.
I also need to catch up with my blog reading! I am terribly behind!
Melinda
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Dear Melinda, I resonate with what you are saying. Many readers express how my book Self-Disclosure: Changes for within empowers them to reframe their challenges, perceived adversity, fear and negativity. I invite them to awaken and attune to love and forgiveness as part of their healing process. I invite you to read what readers say-- here:http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2009/10/12/share-your-views-on-self-disclosure.html
Please share your views after reading the book too. I sense you resonate with the empowering prcess.
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Dear Liara,
How wonderful that your book is out! I have to get a copy of it and will definitely be stopping by. In fact, I believe I will have to write a blog post about it because I feel your messages are so important. I cannot wait to read it, Liara--I'll be stopping by very soon.
Melinda
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