End of a Journey
As I was going through the photos I recently obtained from my mother’s album, looking for suitable ones for the book, I came across the following picture, which held me captive.
When this picture was taken, none of the events of my life had yet unfolded, the script not yet written. Looking at the picture, I felt a degree of heartbreak. I see so much innocence in my eyes, with nothing but the unsullied breath of childhood’s blush on my face. Gazing at the Melinda of so long ago, I felt overwhelmed with a desire to take that child into my own arms, to rescue her from the horrors that I know would follow. I have trained myself to deny regret, as it is a useless emotion but the sweetness in my face struck me so deeply, a feeling of such incredible grief washed over me. Who might have I become had only things been different?
However, looking even more closely, I saw another element in my eyes; I saw the human spirit that would ultimately lift me out of the rage and hopelessness I had once felt resigned to living in. Shaking off the cumbersome shroud of grief, I felt jubilation in my story. I lived. I prevailed. Looking at that human spirit—that commonality that we all share, I felt incredible pride and triumph at what I had overcome. Although aspects of my life are heartbreaking, my life is not a tragedy; I celebrate my life.
My book is finished—the editing is complete. Of course, there will undoubtedly be more edits as more eyes pass over the pages of my memoir. For now, though, I will pass it on to my beloved Les, who I am entrusting to be the first person to read my memoir. Les will read it while we are up in Maine next week—until then, it is still completely mine. Even though I love and trust Les more than anyone else in the world, I am curiously shy about having him read all the intimate details of my life. I know he will still love me—I know he will still respect me but there is an element of wanting to hang on to my book, to keep all my secrets—never letting them go.
Yet, it will be a relief to pass it along to another person. One journey has ended but I am starting another. I believe I am now ready to reveal my story to the world.
Peace,
Melinda
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Categories: Childhood,Reflections,Childhood Sexual Abuse,Healing the Past,Courage,Writing the Memoir
Tags: childhood Childhood Sexual Abuse healing the past Courage writing the memoir
I wanna read it too . . . . !
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Hey honey,
My dearest and oldest friend! Of course, you shall receive one of the first copies . . . after Les. I promise. Thanks for stopping by, love--
Melinda
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Melinda -
First and foremost, please accept my heartfelt congratulations on reaching this point in your writing experience; as I'm sure you're aware, there will be edits that others will suggest, and then of course from the publisher. However this is a very important milestone.
The one thing I would add is that all writers experience some level of shyness: when I teach my students, the first thing I tell them is that the classroom is a safe environment in which they can let imagination run free without being judged. Your circumstances are even more secure, and it's a fertile soil from which a great book will surely blossom. I hope that over time, your shyness will decrease and your confidence will rise; I have an inkling that this is what will happen.
As ever, I wish you -
All the very best, GC
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Hi GC,
Oh yes! I am well aware that there will be many changes after my first edit--but at least I corrected the worst of my writing offenses.
You sound as though you are a truly great teacher--I am sure your students really benefit from your wisdom.
Thanks so much for stopping by . . . and for your comments.
Melinda
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Congratulations on completing a journey I have started many times but have never been able to find the strength to finish.
When it hits the shelves here, I shall be the first to buy it!
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Thank you so much, Sweet Violet! I shall send you an autographed copy!
Melinda
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hi doll, somehow when i read this before the background hadn't filled in, now it has and makes reading it very difficult
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Lori--I don't think the page loaded correctly. It is black text on a white background--I have never heard anyone say the page wasn't easy to read. I think you might need to clear out your cookies on your computer or refresh the page--because it is an easy to read font (black) on a completely white background. There isn't any other background--except on the edges where there is no text.
Melinda
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Hi Melinda, great news about the book. Try not to watch him too closely as he reads your words.
Yes regrets and 'if onlys' are a waste of energy but somedays they just ambush you.Oh well, Hindsight brings its own clarity.
I needed some inspiration so I am having a giveaway on my blog. I have one every so often and the ideas that people bring, spin me off into all sorts of creative tangents.
Take care, Kim
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Hi Kim,
I know! Perhaps I should even leave the house while he's reading it--it will drive me crazy if I don't. I am just a little anxious about anyone reading it--it's been kept so close to my heart for more than a year now while I have been working on it.
Thanks for letting me know about your blog--and the giveaway--I will certainly check it out.
Thanks also for stopping by--
Melinda
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Hi Melinda!!! Congratulations. In reading this post, I was tearful. I think in part, I feel like I know and long for what you felt while looking at your picture. Also, extremely happy that you finished the book.
I too would want to hang on to that book. It holds your secrets. And, to me it would be like sharing my inner most soul, something that I would normally hide. However, you have been brave and encouraged others. I am one of them. Reading your post also gave me a feeling of letting go and being free...however scary.
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Hi CC!
How nice to see you! Thank you so much for your congratulations--I appreciate it very much. It's so interesting that you mentioned being free enough to let go of my book--that's very insightful. While it is scary to let it go, it is also going to be really freeing to finally get it into another's hands.
So good to see you! I hope you are feeling much better and that you are getting over that nasty bronchitis.
Melinda
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This is a very exciting milestone. And its one step closer to your book being published, something I'm sure all of your readers here can't wait for!
I know what you mean about the heartbreak of observing your innocence from the time of this photo. I look at my 28 month old niece (2yrs + 4 months) and think of all the children her age that don't know the bubble of joy and love she exists in.
And it makes me very glad for her, but so incredibly sad for those like yourself - children who had that stripped away at such a young age.
It must be so confusing, and I bet that confusing took a long time for you to recover from. Along with everyone else.
But yes, you should celebrate. Heck, I reckon to mark this occaision you should have a little party!
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Hi Svasti,
I feel so much warmth when I see happy children, who are allowed to enjoy their youth--that's always the way it should be. It took me a long time to get over the anger I had at having my childhood robbed--but after writing my book (in particular) I realize that I gained other qualities because of my life experiences. I have learned to have gratitude for what I've been through--even the hard stuff.
It's been a long and great journey--writing this book. It's great to have reached this milestone.
Melinda
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I love your blog! You life story is amazing! You prevailed in times where most would just give up...
You Go Girl!
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Thanks so much for stopping by, Mike!
Melinda
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Absolutely f'ing fantastic Melinda!
I can't wait for the day the printing is done ... because Cathy and I will be there waiting in line to get our copies personally autographed by the author!!!!
In the short time that we've been apart of BC, your friendship has become very important to us, so we couldn't be happier with you having achieved this brilliant milestone!
A full and hearty 'Congratulations!!' from the both of us.
Cheers, Rory and Cathy
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Rory and Cathy,
Thank you so much! I will be so happy to give you autographed copies of the book--most definitely.
I also have to say--the feeling is mutual. I am so happy to have gotten to know both of you through the BC forums--and I look forward to many more years of friendship with the two of you.
Thanks for stopping by--and for the congrats!
Melinda
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I love both pictures of you...the small child and today's woman. Yes, there is a wealth of sadness and experience in your eyes now...but also joy and wisdom...both the child and the woman are beautiful. I can hardly wait until I get to read your book. I hope to see you when you make it out to California later this month. Love,
Trish
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Hi Trish,
We'll definitely get together--I am really looking forward to it. Thank you so much for your sweet and thoughtful words.
Melinda
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Congratulations...on life (so far) and on the book, Melinda!
(Yeah, I know, none of the sarcasm or crude jokes I'm known for in this comment...I'll do better next time...)
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LOL, Jay--the summer heat must be affecting that dry sense of humor of yours! Thanks for stopping by and for the congrats.
Melinda
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OMG Melinda that last post made me cry. I have felt the same way when seeing a picture of me. I have one where I look so innocent and timid yet I saw a strength too. I am so proud of you!
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Hi Cathy--thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I am very proud of you too!
Thanks, also, for stopping by Melindaville!
Melinda
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That is such a great pic. You really are an old soul. Perhaps this is part of the reason for your life's journey.
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Hi TC--I have heard that before--that I have an 'old soul.' You'd think for an old soul, I wouldn't have so many darn lessons to learn, wouldn't you?
Thanks for stopping by--
Melinda
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Hi Melinda! I just saw your latest entry! Really, I'm lost for words and don't really know what to say other than that you are so strong!!! Congratulations on finishing the book. I believe now you can close that chapter of your life and look forward to new ones! I can't wait to read your book!
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Hi TJLubrano,
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your congratulations! I appreciate it very much.
Melinda
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Melinda, I am so taken by your candor you will be such an inspiration to women with low self esteem and help them with their lives moving forward. Here's the link for Dorothy L who writes about women and the issues they have regrading low self esteem and I hope you'll read her blog as I think you and Dorothy should know each other. Please tell her I suggested this and ask her to visit your blog. http://selfesteemblogforwomen.blogspot.com/
I hope to get to know you more and that you'll consider guest posting on grammology as I hope you'll understand please understand you are a gift to other women who don't believe they can come full and front into life and be happy even when things in their past were not good or that they suffered trauma. Welcome to blogging and I wish you success with your new book as I'll be buying a copy once they are available.
Blessings and hope to see you back on my site.
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
grammologyl.com
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Hi Dorothy,
Thanks so much for stopping by and for giving me the link to Dorothy L's blog--I will definitely check it out and let her know that you referred me to stop by.
I would love to guest post on grammology also. Today, I am leaving for vacation for a week but I will contact you when I return and perhaps we can work something out.
Thanks so much for stopping by Melindaville!
Melinda
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Makes me breathlessly excited to think of this time for you. It's phenomenal that you selected this childhood photo of yourself to make the announcement that you are ready to reveal your story to the world. Exquisitely profound.
Congratulations, Melinda.
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Thanks so much, Lydia. Les starts reading today! Exciting!
Thanks, as always, for your friendship,
Melinda
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c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s !
beautiful writing, above.
and what a story to tell, share!
now... just believe in it.
peace~
Chuck
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Thanks so much, Chuck! I appreciate it.
Melinda
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"The people who enlighten us are the ones who tell us their secrets." Melinda-thanks for enlightening us, for telling us your secrets-above all the Great Secret that human beings need to be told over and over-the transforming power of the human spirit. Your story is the story of Lazarus-of one who came back from the dead. Everyone needs to hear this story-to realize that the happiness you achieved can also be a reality for them.
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Hi N.P,
Leave it to you to come up with the most profound comment! Thank you so much for your wonderfully kind words. I do hope to pass along to others--that if I can change my life, so can anyone. Many people considered me to be hopeless at one point.
Thanks, as always, for stopping by--
Melinda
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Hi Melinda,
Congrat on finishing the memoir
I started mine about a year ago...wrote the first 10 or so pages and haven't been back...too much history not ready to face kinda like staring at an old picture. One day everyone will be able to reach behind closed doors.
Anywho in the meantime I will wait patiently for your story to hit the shelves!!!
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Hi Faith,
Thank you so much! You know, you are a lot younger than I am--so who knows what you might do with that book! It took me quite a few tries before I really plunged right into it--and then when I started writing, it simply erupted out of me. That same thing might just happen to you!
Thanks, as always, for stopping by--
Melinda
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You write wonderfully. I sometimes look at our children, and wonder what they will become - what they will have to deal with, and which battles they will need me for.
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Hi Jonatha,
Thank you so much! Whatever our children become or do--you'll be there for them and that is the most important thing a parent can do.
Take care!
Melinda
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Dear Melinda, my CONGRATULATIONS with finishing your memoir!!! Though I rarely commented, I've read all of your posts and it was (probably still is) a great job that you've done. I'm sure those who'll read your book will find it useful in some way or another because you're such a strong woman and I can feel it through the things you write and it is really encouraging. I wish you the best luck and wish to read your book someday for I really enjoyed your posts and found them helpful as well as entertaining.
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Hi Alexandra!
So nice to see you again! Thank you so much for your congratulations--it is quite amazing isn't it? I got to know you just as I was beginning the journey.
I'm so glad to hear you have enjoyed my blog--you just made my day!
Melinda
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Very nice blog. Made me think, I even went through some of my old photos as well. Nice blog! Keep it up!
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Thank you so much, my friend! And thank you so much for stopping by.
Melinda
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You write so beautifully, Melinda. I would love to read your book once it is published.
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Thank you so much, Jennifer! I really appreciate your stopping by--
Melinda
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Congratulations Melinda!
I think there are many lessons in your life's story and the best lesson found in your story so far is:
Hope!!!
Thank you Melinda.
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Thank you, Ibn Hanif--that means a lot to me and I appreciate your congratulations!
Melinda
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