The Maine Event: Completing the Book
Our Beautiful Backyard in Maine
It has been a crazy spring and early summer. Try as I might, I am the perpetual ‘people pleaser’ and have much difficulty saying ‘no,’ which often results in being swamped with more on my plate than I should have. I have been teaching a heavy load of classes for the last several months, which means my book has been put aside during that span. Don’t get me wrong—I love teaching. In fact, teaching is an avocation rather than a vocation—from the moment I stepped foot in front of my first class at Penn State, it became a passion.
However, as much as I love teaching, I am also looking forward to my upcoming summer break—a chance to breathe more easily, to sleep in a bit more 
, to having time to read for pleasure, and to work on other projects (notably, the book). This Sunday, my classes will end. Later in July, I will be teaching one class for summer session but this will be far more manageable than the seven classes I have been juggling the past few months.
On Monday, Les and I head up to Maine, for a brief and blissful vacation at our lovely house on the coast. I am so looking forward to Maine; I love hearing the sound of waves crashing against the rocks in dramatic anger or lapping as soft and soothing as a newborn's cradle. I enjoy awakening lazily to the sunlight streaming in from our bedroom's skylight and noticing the salty freshness of the crisp sea air. In the distance, I can hear sounds of the lobster boats in Gouldsboro Bay. Maine is like a nurturing cocoon, and I love it as I love Montana—and they are similar in many ways. Both Maine and Montana posses a purity that transcends time; whether you are deep in the Maine woods or in the Montana mountains, life is frozen in each pristine wilderness. Montana and Maine recharge my battery, leaving me refreshed, centered, and content. Nature soothes our souls, teaching us the importance of the most simple and eloquent of the earth’s gifts—and if we listen, to be appreciative and protective of them.
In Maine, I plan to roll up my sleeves and get cracking on finishing the edits on my book (yes, I am still editing). I haven’t given an update on my progress lately—well, because there has been little to report. I am so close to completing the first edit but haven’t that I wonder if I am dragging my heels a bit. Once I complete this revision, I must pass it on to others for their edits. I will give it to my best and closest friend, Eddie, in New York and to my husband Les; I trust both beyond question, as I know they love me and want the best for my book. They are both accomplished writers themselves and each has a fine eye for editing. After finalizing those edits, the manuscript will go to the agent—and it is there I am much less sure. The thought causes my stomach to somersault! When he receives it, what will he think? Will it be rejected? Is it as good as I think it might be? Or am I fooling myself? Funny . . . even with the accomplishments I have enjoyed in the last fifteen years, I still have major insecurities.
Along with this is a certain amount of trepidation as to what might happen with my position at the university. At some point, I am going to have a frank talk with my department chair, filling her in on the book and my reasons for writing it. As far as I know, the university knows nothing of my past. Therefore, along with the worry of wondering if my book is good enough—is the concern I might not be asked back to teach again. It’s always hard to tell what reactions will be because addiction is a highly controversial issue; many people still view it as a moral/criminal concern rather than view it as a health problem, as I believe it should be viewed.
I have placed a new deadline for completing this first round of edits—one that I believe is realistic. I hope to have all the edits/major revision of the first draft completed by July 31. Then—regardless of the outcome—whether it is accepted or not—whether it affects my teaching position or not; it will be out of my hands. I have to believe that I am doing the right thing—to go public with my story. I truly do believe it is important for people like me—who are success stories—to come forth and be vocal about our past, our struggles, and our triumphs. The world has to believe that treatment can and does work—and it is only through our voices—the voices of recovering addicts, that we can enlighten others.
Peace,
Melinda
Played: 1119 | Download | Duration: 00:05:06
Categories: Challenges,Writing the Memoir,Progress,Relaxing
Tags: writing the memoir vacation Maine relaxing summer break completing manuscript coast
you really know how to live
Reply to this
Hey Brucie!
Nice to see you, Buddy! Yes--I have learned to live well, haven't I? I have come a long way since I was that crazy punk rocker chick you knew way back in the day!
Melinda
Reply to this
Hi Melinda,
I haven't left you a comment for a while although I get all your posts from email subscription. I wish you all the best on vacation up in Maine. You know, girl, I can't wait to read that whole juicy book.
I hope you and Les enjoy yourselves in Maine.
Sheena
Reply to this
Hi Sheena,
I agree it's been awhile. I've been pretty busy myself so don't worry about it. I am sooooo looking forward to Maine. Monday can't come soon enough.
Thanks for your good wishes,
Melinda
Reply to this
what an interesting blog--glad I found you. you're story is incredible. good luck.
Reply to this
Thanks so much for stopping by, Rick.
Melinda
Reply to this
There are consequences for writing our memoirs, and I don't like it. I struggle with this myself.
Reply to this
Hi Jen,
Thanks for stopping by--
I agree with you--there are definitely consequences and I am not surprised to hear that you have struggled with this also. We both need to remember what reward there are also. I know your blog has helped many people--and I hope mine has as well.
Take care,
Melinda
Reply to this
I love the backyard of your Maine house!! Stunning!
I think its awesome you're so close to being finished - the hardest stretch I reckon.
All writers have that 'is this good enough' feeling about what they're writing. But I think that you can only edit for so long, then you have to release what you're writing as your offering - this is me as I am - and if people don't like it, so be it. But I doubt people will have that reaction to your book!
I hear what you're saying about the university perhaps taking a dim view. Some people will, but luckily not all people these days. And I think if its handled the right way, your experiences and your book can only add to your gravitas as a teacher.
I mean, you've done such an incredible job - where you've come from to where you are, and I think that gives you a unique perspective on the topics you teach.
Good luck with the final stretch, dear Melinda!!
Reply to this
Oh, Svasti--my dear friend--I wish you could come over for a nice cool glass of lemonade and watercress sandwiches on our back deck of the Maine house--you are so right--it is a stunning view. When I breathe in that wonderful sea air, I can feel every single one of my cells being rejuvenated. I do believe that we will someday meet and I would love to show that to you.
Thank you so much for your comments on the book--you made me smile--and feel a little stronger, my dear.
At this point, I believe I will be at peace, regardless of the reaction from the university. I thought about publishing it under a psuedonym but that would take a lot of the power away--as I said, people need to stand up and be counted. I know I am doing the right thing--and friends like you who support me helps me to strengthen my resolve.
Thanks as always for coming by--your thoughtful comments always mean a great deal to me.
Melinda
Reply to this
Oh yes, I'd love that! I think we'd have lots to chat about, given the number of things we seem to have in common. Certainly, when I'm next dropping by the US (probably San Fran where my fellow yogis are) then I'll be giving you advance warning.
You are a strong lady and from all I've read on your blog, I know people will find your story fascinating.
I think publishing under your own name is a good thing, although certainly as someone who writes anonymously myself, I can understand why you'd consider such a thing!
And I do believe you are doing the right thing, for sure.
There is a need to break down barriers and stereotypes. The only difference between someone who lives through what you did and anyone else is circumstance. Its no reflection on you or anyone else like you (or me) as a person.
And this is the message that people need to hear loud and clear.
That you've since recovered and become a professor is an incredible triumph. And that message - that its possible to turn your life around - is also one people need to hear.
Reply to this
I'd love to see you in SF, Svasti! Give plenty of warning so I can make sure that I am on that coast when you come!!
I thought long and hard about publishing under a different name--and I am convinced that is not the way to go. I agree that the story has much more power if people know who I really am. I believe most people would be accepting and forgiving--and if there are people who aren't? They aren't worth that much to me anyway (screw 'em!).
Thanks again for your comments,
Melinda
Reply to this
Dear mam
You have given a very good view of the place called Maine. In fact I feel as if I have visited the place. Enjoy your holidays. I can understand how important are these fro a teacher. I also had to take a single classs during the summer vacation but only for 6 days. I am going to report back on 3 july.
I hope your university should take a more sympathetic view. I will pray for it.
take care
Harneet Singh
Reply to this
Thank you, Harneet! I appreciate your kind thoughts and your good wishes about the university's opinion of me. I hope you are right!
Melinda
Reply to this
I think you have the perfect combination of talents that will help you educate others about the reality of addiction. You are right that it is a tough topic to explain, but it is doable.
Reply to this
I agree, Mongolian Girl! And besides--one of my all-time favorite expressions is, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" So, I am definitely going to go for it!
Thanks for stopping by--
Melinda
Reply to this
Melinda-Maine sounds the perfect place to complete work on your book. My father-in-law used to own a home in Southwest Harbor and we'd vacation there every summer for a couple of weeks. Very isolated and peaceful! Interesting ,too, that you teach at Penn State. My daughter used to go every summer to a gymnastics camp in Woodward, Pa. about 30 miles from State College. So my wife and I would drop by there to catch a meal and stroll around the collegetown area and the campus grounds. Too bad I didn't know you then. My daughter stopped going 2 years ago when she began college. But that gymnastics camp is one of my favorite places in the world and I have great memories of the times she and I spent there.
Reply to this
Hi NP,
Thanks for stopping by! I would have loved to have run into you on the Penn Sate campus--it really is a beautiful one. I no longer teach at Penn State--and in fact, only ever taught there as a graduate student. But it was my first, wonderful introduction to teaching--and it was there that I gained such a passion for the profession.
Maine is so lovely and secluded--I am so looking forward to it!
Melinda
Reply to this
Melinda -
Being amidst nature to recharge one's batteries is a writer's preoccupation with a long a noble heritage extending back to Thoreau's "Walden". This chapter in particular makes me think of your forthcoming Maine sojourn:
http://thoreau.eserver.org/walden05.html
As for what your university may say, quite frankly, a predicament of lot of academics is that they live in theory rather than practice. The fact that you have received such dramatic benefit from psychology gives you greater empathy, knowledge and passion for the subject than someone who has been solely accumulating knowledge in laboratories and libraries. If your superiors have any sense whatsoever, they will see that the transformation in your life makes you more, not less qualified. I realise that the priggish, narrow world of some academic establishments makes that viewpoint difficult, but it should be asserted nonetheless.
In any event, enjoy your holiday!
Best Regards, GC
Reply to this
Hi GC,
Interesting that you should bring up Walden. HDT is one of my absolute favorites--and in fact, one of the quotes that I kept close to my heart all through college and graduate school was this one:
"If one advances confidently, in the direction of one's dreams and endeavors to live the life that one has imagined, one will meet with a success uncommon in common hours." (In fact, that was a quote on an email that I used for almost 7 years).
I agree with you that my past makes me a better psychologist, a better professor, and a better teacher. I often give students real life examples (without telling them which life they are from) and I know they have benefited from hearing a first hand, real-world account. One of my biggest criticisms of academia is that too often, professors live in that ivory tower and don't experience the grit of the real world. Theory and practice makes the strongest academics, in my opinion.
Thank you for your good wishes on my holiday--I am most definitely looking forward to it!
Melinda
Reply to this
Hmmm...so, Melinda, you're a perpetual people pleaser who can't say no and you have a house on the Maine coast? Can you be a bit more specific about where that is, like a street address, and maybe where you keep your extra key?
(Semi-)seriously, one thing I've found in dealing with the social service field is that a lot of things that'd be detrimental to most careers turn out to be pluses ("you struggle with chronic depression and have spent years in therapy? Great!"). Then, academia is different--underneath the liberal veneer, it tends to be as conformist, back-stabbing, and generally conservative as any corporate environment (faculty members thought it was really cool that I was teaching classes on writing and drugs--but I hate to think how they'd react if they found out I actually knew what I was talking about...) (and, as I said after deciding to leave academia: the difference between working for an English department and working for a big corporation is that at least at the big corporation the people exploiting you don't claim to be Marxists...).
Anyway, I wish you the best with finishing the book and keeping your job....
Reply to this
LOL, Jay--actually we would probably be happy to loan you the house out! I'm not un-serious about this, btw. We don't get to use the house nearly as much as we should--and I hate seeing it empty and unused as much as it is. It's a lovely place to think, hike, relax, bike, do whatever.
I completely agree with you on academia--completely. There are a few reasons I haven't gone after a tenure track job--one is that I really love the freedom of being able to travel and teaching online allows me to do that--but a big part of why I haven't done so is because graduate school really turned me off on the politics of academia. I absolutely hated that aspect of it--and tenure track jobs are just what you said they are.
But I do love teaching--and definitely want to keep doing that--regardless of how successful the book might be.
Take care--and thanks for stopping by--
Melinda
Reply to this
You must be in Maine by now. I hope that you are relaxed ... and working on that book!
As far as the university goes, I would hope the fact that you are obviously great at what you do would make a difference, and that your past and working through it would be seen as an asset. I know that this is a little ... naive ... but I'll still think good thoughts.
Reply to this
Hi Jennifer!
I am so sorry for the delay in my response--we are up in Maine although our time here has been a bit marred by lack of Internet access (a downed tree in my post "Mainely Wonderful" gives a clearer pictures of some of our current challenges here.
I have been working on the book--and that is going really well. And I really appreciate your good wishes as far as my position with the University goes. One position I am not at all worried about--but another one, I am.
Take care--and thanks for stopping by!
Melinda
Reply to this
I have just found your blog by googling Margrit Roma...wierd...I too was a member of the New Shakespeare Company, but I think a few years prior to you, in the late '70's....having come from a wildly dysfunctional family myself...Rick and Roma provided way too much in that department for me to be able to tolerate for long...that being said, tournign with the company was a fantastic professional experience...I too am a recovering addict...I teach high school in San Jose, Ca. Actually, under the Americans with Disabilities Act, those of us recovering from addiction are viewed as living with a bona fide disability and as long as we stay clean, we cannot be fired simply because of the nature of our disability...but that is scant comfort I know, when the very nature of our disease makes us criminals. I too am an icnest survivior...it is not always easy to live this life with these issues...goddess bless you for being real, honest and sharing your story...that which does not kill us makes us stronger...love,
Trish (Sorry this is so long...I tend to wax loquacious...not everyone is a fan...)
:-/
t
Reply to this
Trish--
Wow! That is so amazing that you were also in the New Shakespeare Company--and yes, I am sure I was later than you. In fact, I was in the last actual tour that the company made. After that, the company performed in Golden Gate Park--but by that time, I was in New York City, moving on to other (more destructive things).
I am sorry to hear that you are another member of that club that none of us wants to be part of (incest survivors). I do think it is important for people like us to speak out--so that incest and other forms of child abuse is more fully understood by all people. Too often, the evidence is still pushed away--because it makes people just so uncomfortable.
What roles did you play in the company? I have such great memories of that time! Interestingly enough, when I was just moving back to San Francisco after completing graduate school, I got a call from Judith (I can't remember her last name--but you probably know her because she was in the company for years). That night, they were having a reunion of New Shakes folks--it was a memorial for Roma's husband Rick. I went and got to see quite a few of my old castmates--and also scored some pictures from the photographer, Robert Altman, which was great too.
Thanks so much for stopping by! I really hope you will stay in touch. And I apologize for my delay in responding--my husband and I have been up in Maine and we haven't had access to the Internet for the last 4 - 5 days or so.
Take care,
Melinda
Reply to this
Hi Melinda: I played Viola, Helena and alternatively Titania. Oh my goodness, I am chagrined by all the typos in my first message...see what damage we do when we type late at night?? The English teacher in me feels quite sheepish...
:-/
Trish
The only Judith I knew in the company was a delightful lady from England with red hair and a British accent. She was a sweetie. I believe that she lived in Marin.
Reply to this
LOL, Trish! Don't worry about the typos (happens to me too).
You must not have known Judith Karel (I remembered her name finally). She was a petitte brunette, played Hermia in A Midsummer Night's Dream--she was with the company earlier than me and with me--but I also know she was gone for a few years. You might have missed her. She was very close to Roma and Rick.
Melinda
Reply to this
As my Texan ex-husband used to begin sentences for emphasis...
Damn straight that success stories come forward with the truth about addiction, treatment, and recovery.
July 31: yeah!
Reply to this
LOL, Lydia! I love that--and I agree, Damn straight!
Yippee Ki Yi Yippee, Yippee Ki Yi Yay!
Signed,
Melinda
(The Egyptian Cowgirl--remember I grew up in Montana!).
Reply to this