Sliding Doors
I saw an interesting movie while attending graduate school in the late 1990’s. Although the movie was not quite as good as I hoped it would be, I loved the premise of the film and I have thought about the idea behind the plot many times since I first saw it more than ten years ago.
A brief synopsis of Sliding Doors is this: the film opens in London, when a young woman (Helen), is returning to her home after her boss fires her from her job at a PR company. On the train, an amazing thing happens! Time reverses itself for a few seconds, which results in the creation of an alternate reality. For the remainder of the film, we follow Helen through these two realities. In one reality, Helen catches the train, meeting a man named James on the way, then arrives home to find her lover (Gerry) cheating on her with an ex-girlfriend. In the other reality, Helen misses her train, which means she doesn't meet James at all. After missing the train, a thug mugs her, resulting in Helen going to the hospital. After leaving the hospital, Helen returns home to find her lover, Gerry, alone, in the shower—she has missed catching him in bed with the ex-girlfriend.
The two realities move forward together; in one, she leaves her cheating lover and forms a happy, new relationship with the man she met on the subway, James. In the other reality, Helen’s lives becomes more and more wretched as she takes on two jobs to support the worthless, cheating boyfriend. This one slight variation in events dramatically alters the course of Helen’s life—as well as her emotional state.
How many random occurrences might exist in our own lives, which has altered each of our paths? How intriguing to think of our lives through the lens of ‘sliding doors.’ Wouldn’t it be amazing to view each potential ‘alternate reality’ before we make crucial (or seemingly inconsequential) decisions. If each of us had such a looking glass, how would we change our decisions? How might our lives be so different if a seemingly minor, random act beyond our control caused a very different reality?
After I saw that film, I started thinking of my own life in terms of sliding doors—and there have been many. In my case, I made some crucial poor choices. I would love to see a movie of my own life—with my own sliding doors to see how very differently my life might have turned out had a crucial decision been changed—or perhaps even a random act that was beyond my control. What might have my destiny been?
Yes, I admit it—I have one wild imagination. And perhaps I waste too much time thinking about those alternate realities—those 'WHAT IF's.'
We can only work with the decisions we make—we get no alternate view of what might have been. Whether deliberate or by chance, each of us is only given one reality and each of us must live with the results of our actions (either intended or unintended).
However, one thing I do know is this. I have learned to at least try to view an alternate reality before I make a crucial decision that I will be unable to reverse later. These days, when faced with a choice, I try to play that choice out in my head; what effects will this decision have on me today, next week, next month, next year, and five years down the road. I believe this strategy has saved me some poor decisions. Rather than making a quick and rash decision and hoping the decision turns out ‘okay,’ I try to analyze what the effects of that decision will be—not only in my own life but in the lives of every person who might be affected by a choice I make.
There are no sliding doors; no magic looking glass in which we can see our realities. We only have one to work with—so we should each do our utmost to insure that the one reality we have is one we can rest with when the curtain closes for that final time.
Peace,
Melinda
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Categories: Crossroads,Reflections,Lost Dreams,Self
Tags: film choices what if Sliding Doors
Melinda -
Alternative timelines are not just a feature of this film, but they are a staple of much of science fiction. It really is a fascinating topic: how small decisions cumulatively have a large overall effect. It's like chaos theory, which suggests a butterfly flapping its wings in Mexico can lead to a tornado in Kenya.
We cannot fully know what effect we have in the little decisions we make: does leaving an inadequate tip, for example, lead to the waiter or waitress having a bad day, and thus communicating this attitude to others? What is certain is that if we purposefully plant seeds of goodwill, and try, even if we make mistakes, to spread out the crop of generosity and kindness, then the chances are that the world will improve. It's to your credit that you have decided to be one of those sowers of the positive. I am sure that many will come to benefit from this now and in the future.
Best Regards, GC
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Hi GC,
Thanks for stopping by--and for your always thoughtful comments. I love science fiction--from as long as I can remember I have been a fan. I started reading Philip K. Dick when I was in high school and have been a fan of sci fi books and films since that time. I have also been intrigued and interested in the idea of time travel also!
I do agree with you--that if we live our lives with a higher purpose in mind, it will not really matter if we miss that train--because the end result (a life with purpose) will remain the same.
It is a very intriguing premise though!
Melinda
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Melinda -
I am more of a Frank Herbert fan myself (I created and ran one of the first Dune fan sites). One of the things that he said through his novels was that having the ability to predict the future was a trap. Freedom comes from being to plot one's own destiny without knowing precisely where that might lead. If we know precisely what's going to happen, we shut ourselves off from a universe of surprises.
So the point is perhaps while we examine our conscience at the point of action, we should also perhaps give up the idea of knowing where precisely the future might lead or even where it might have led. The old saying goes, "If you want to hear God laugh, make plans." The same framework applies: so long as we do the best we can, that's the best we can do.
Take care.
Best Regards, GC
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I loved Dune--and I read that first when I was on tour with the New Shakespeare company long ago. I liked the film as well--but I can imagine that people who had not read the books might have been somewhat lost in it.
The points you make are good ones--and if we did know our futures, the results would undoubtedly be disasterous. We are human--we are supposed to make mistakes, to reflect on those mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. If you know your mistakes in advance, that process of growth would be stunted, no doubt.
Thanks for your follow up! You always provide thoughtful and interesting commentary.
Melinda
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Hey Melinda--I contemplate this alot, myself. I was just sitting on my porch, yesterday. What would have happened, if I had not met my husband. Would have really traveled with my friend all over the world, like we said we would do, if we did not marry when my kids were grown. What would have happened if I had not had my children? Would have pursued my dream as a dancer?
So many things that could have happened...if only something else would not have happened.
Great Article Mel. Have a great week
Sheila
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Hi Sheila,
Yes--it is those big decisions that really make you wonder. There have been several crucial crossroads in my life--some fairly recently. I feel if we always listen to our hearts, we are rarely led down the wrong path. But, it is intriguing to wonder what might have been . . .
I never knew you wanted to be a dancer! I loved dancing also--which is why going into exotic dancing wasn't such a stretch for me.
Thanks for stopping by, Sheila!
Melinda
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Love the post, found it today because after using the "sliding doors" analogy with a client, have been using it for years but thought maybe I should research it more, googled Sliding doors & psychology and you just appeared.
It is my experience that people do not recognise or appreciate the value of small things like chance and coincidence in their lives, and the use of fear and blame by corporates, the media and the political establishment means most people have a very limited understanding of the impact of decision, motivation, chance, coincidence and judgement in life.
It's easier to blame terrorists, drink, drugs, gangs, bankers etc than it is to take responsibility for the decision aspect and realise that there are factors in our lives that are way beyonf our control, genetics, early conditioning, schooling, peer groups etc which strongly contribute to who we are.
This is coming from a guy who had to spend part of last year on a life support machine and then had to listen to people telling me my recovery was all down to either God, the medical establishment or my positive attitude, I've also lost 3 good friends in the last 2 years, but that does not get put down to God, medics or attitude, that gets out down to luck.
I love the blog and look forward to your book (not sure what the motivation in writing it is?) You do have a fascinating life story, who doesn't? but your role now in sharing that life story, so people may learn and understand human behaviour and outcomes is vital in society.
Cheers
Paul Newton. Ireland.
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Hi Paul,
Thanks for stopping by--and what great news that you Googled 'Sliding Doors' and came up with a Melindaville blog! I guess my hard work at blogging is starting to pay off.
I think that most people could do with more appreciation in their lives. I have found that when I get outside of myself, appreciate what I have--that any troubles I have don't seem nearly as large or unmanageable as I previously thought. Gratitude, more than anything else, keeps me grounded, focused, and humble.
I'm sorry to hear about your lost friends--I have lost many myself. Too many for someone my age.
My motivation for writing the book is to raise awareness about the need for free and available treatment--and to try to inspire anyone I can to take control of their lives and addiction and trying a different, better path. I would like to pass on to others, the gift of a second chance that was passed on to me. I hope to one day start a foundation that will take this wish to the next level. Wish me luck! I can use it.
I love Ireland, although I haven't been there for close to twenty years. It's so lush and beautiful.
Thanks again for stopping by--and for your thoughtful comments.
Melinda
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Apologies for having to rush my comment this evening, if you want to find out more about the scientific evidence on the value of appreciation then promote the work of Matin Seligman (you'd know him from Penn state) and especially the book and site "Authentic Happiness" but I notice you also have an article on "Learned Helplessness" and indeed Seligman did huge work on this too, culminating in his first book "Learned Optimism"
You life story demonstrates the importance of decision making in life and how it happens, but in terms of chance and co-incidence I seriously recommend a look at the movie "The curious case of Benjamin Button" and particularly the scene where the female lead suffers a life changing experience, without being too pushy, if you have the movie, then fast forward to 113mins 25secs, and watch the next 3 minutes, it is a wonderful piece of work demonstrating how chance and coincidence play a very strong role in the outcomes of life.
We can control so much, but there is much we cannot control, and still charlatans like Tony Robbins can exploit people's pain by offering 3, 6, 8 or 10 steps to personal happiness.
You recovery from the pain that can be inflicted by a gregarious and impulsive nature mirrors my own which started in 1994, but we also need to acknowledge that gregariousness and impulsivity can also play a very positive role in our lives and from your perspective hopefully thew lives of many others.
Enjoy Boston, lovely city, I've not been for a while but believe the big dig is over now, so a trip may be on the card in the next few years, have to do NYC first, and then British Columbia, the price of having teenagers eh?
Paul.
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Hi Paul,
. I am very familiar with Seligman but haven't yet checked out the site 'Authentic Happiness' -- thank you for passing it along to me.
Thanks again for stopping by--and no worries on the rushed comments
You know, I have been meaning to see Benjamin Buttons--and you might have just given me that extra little push to finally go see it at the movies (or I wonder if it might be out on DVD now). Anyway--I will definitely check it out. The way my own life has been--I really do believe that chance and coincidence (and pure dumb luck) can play a big role. Of course, going along with that is our inner strength/wilingness to change that would lead a person (or not) to make the most of those opportunities.
Don't even get me started on Tony Robbins! I am in total agreement with you there.
Thanks again--
Melinda
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There ya go kid....
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
And if you want an Irish perspective on all this stuff you can find me at
www.newton.ie
or 5 bloody years of stuff at
www.paulnewton.blogspot.com
cheers
Paul.
PS.. Your blog is now going onto my list of recommended stuff...which is very not long... but it's good to meet someone who knows the Robbins stuff for what it is.
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Thank you so much for such a lovely compliment! Also, thank you much for passing on the links--and I am definitely planning to check out your site in the next day or so--when I have the proper time to devote to reading it. I'm so glad you happened by my blog--as I have a feeling we might have some interesting conversations in the future!
Melinda
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