Captured Memories: The Theater Years
This photo collection will center primarily on the theater. I have not been able to locate the few pictures I have from The New Shakespeare Company yet (they are still packed away in a box up in my office) but I did find some others, while going through the family album at my mom’s last weekend.
Some of my happiest memories were ones when I was working on theatrical productions. I absolutely loved the theater. I remember going to my first Shakespearean play at around age six or seven; while I didn’t understand the context of the scenes or what the language even meant, I remember sitting, enthralled, at the magic on the stage. The theater bug first bit during that Shakespearean play—and it did not let go for a long time!
Inspired by Shakespeare, I began writing, directing and starring in my own neighborhood plays not long after. I also loved movies and became inspired after seeing the movie, The Perils of Pauline; as soon as the film ended, I went home and wrote a ripped off version, The Plight of Penelope, a production with loosely the same plot and characters. My own special twist was turning it into a musical with original lyrics (again ripped off to the music Oliver!), which I’d also seen around that same time).
I was even somewhat of an intelligent young businesswoman. When most kids were charging a penny or nickel for their neighborhood plays, I drove a hard bargain and stuck to my price of one-dollar admission. After the production ended (which was the same day the play opened), I would split the money we earned with my cast members and we would all go to the corner market to buy as much penny candy as we could. I was a popular director—and because of my astute business sense (and likely the candy), no one ever questioned casting myself into each leading role!
These two photos are both taken at The Virginia City Players, a Montana summer-stock theater company. On the left, I am standing with my mother before the play; on the right, I am backstage putting on makeup before one of our performances.
I have often wondered what might have happened if I had not gotten so disillusioned with the theater. San Francisco provided me an abundance of theater work. From almost the moment I started auditioning in San Francisco, I landed amazing roles any actor would covet. On only my third audition in San Francisco, the Eureka Theater cast me in the leading role of Maid Marian in an original production of The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood. From there, The New Shakespeare Company hired me as its leading actress, playing roles such as Titania and Helena in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Gertrude in Hamlet, Rosalind in As You Like It, and my personal favorite role, Pirate Jenny in The Threepenny Opera. No doubt about it; these were heady times for a nineteen-year-old girl.
These two photos are from my first acting portfolio. I did a small amount of modeling when I first arrived in San Francisco.
What I loved most was being able to immerse myself in other characters, which is not surprising since I was never happy with myself. I would delve so completely into each role that I would actually become the characters I played! This was fun and wonderful when I was playing Titania in A Midsummer Night’s Dream but problematic when playing roles such as Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire. 
My first major role in San Francisco was playing Maid Marian in The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood at the Eureka Theater on Market Street.
Performing was a huge love but I loved every aspect of the theater. I loved belonging to a cast. Working on productions—particularly those done on shoestring budgets, requires that each cast member contribute to every aspect of the play, including the designing and building of sets and costumes. We spent long days rehearsing and even longer nights building our productions; during the course of each play, the cast was as close as family. I loved the camaraderie I felt with the other actors—I never had closeness with my own family but the theater crowd quickly took me under its wing in San Francisco. I felt support and love from my theater family that I had missed growing up. 
I always worked hard on every aspect of the theater. Here I am working on the set of The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood
I knew that San Francisco would never give me the opportunities of New York City or Los Angeles and as committed as I was, I knew I had to test the waters at the “Big Show” so I moved to New York. I never felt comfortable in New York’s theater scene—but I also know that I never really gave it the chance I should have. I simply did not have the thick skin I needed to blow off the dismissal of the casting directors. When I was not called back, I took it personally; I always felt insufficient after each failed audition. Moreover, with each failed audition, I believed in myself and my talent just a little bit less until soon, I had little of the confidence that the San Francisco theater scene had instilled in me. As I have blogged about before, I lost belief in my dreams.
Of all the crossroads I have found myself at during the course of my life, the one that strikes me as most pivotal was the day I decided to stop going to auditions and to try exotic dancing. Without a doubt, that opened up Pandora’s Box of destructive lifestyle choices. As I started down the path of working in the sex industry, I realize now that I never stood a chance.
For many years, I felt betrayed by the theater—but I realize now, I betrayed myself. The theater gave me some happy years—some of the happiest times of my life, including my present life today. Another gift of writing my book has been to view all my life experiences in a much more objective manner and see the gifts as well as the pain. The theater did give me many gifts.
Peace,
Melinda
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Categories: Memories,Healing the Past,Crossroads,Reflections,Theater,Lost Dreams,Self
Tags: crossroads captured memories Shakespeare photographs
There are lots of similarities between writing and the theatre: the delving into other worlds, other characters, the exploration of the imaginary, and yes, when it comes to hitting the big time, the need for a thick skin when rejection comes. However, perhaps the greatest gift of both literature and theatre is how it bestows empathy: by forcing oneself out of oneself, it forces us to examine things from a different point of view and thus increases our understanding.
I suggest, Melinda, that this early start was a preparation for the career you undertook now. Theatre did not forsake you, but neither did you really forsake the theatre: what you discovered there was merely waiting for the right opportunity to be rediscovered.
All the best, GC
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Hi GC,
Thank you for stopping by and for your always thoughtful comments. I particularly enjoyed what you wrote about examining things from a different viewpoint--I feel that is very true.
As painful as the rejections were (and the poor reviews--I had a few of those too!), they actually serve a purpose in my life today, as they definitely helped me to develop a thicker skin.
Thanks again,
Melinda
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You were such a beautiful young woman. It is hard to imagine all that girl went through, and it's hard to imagine that you were hurt by someone like a father. You're so sophisticated and educated, and I'm the last person who needs to tell you this, but of course, I must say what's on my heart - you deserved none of that. And, from pics you've posted of yourself present day, none of your beauty has faded between the living and the dying. You get my vote - best blog of all time.
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Thank you so much, Jen! For all your kind comments and also for your vote. I know how many blogs you read so that really means a lot to me!
Melinda
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Here we go again, mirroring each other's life experiences!
Well sorta. Can't say I ever had even a smidgen of the success you had while in San Fran. You must have been pretty talented!
And I'd already been in and out of the sex trade before I'd done my first post-high school production.
But certainly I can relate to the sense of camaraderie, the joy in putting together sets and doing other off-stage things as well as performing, being other people.
I even ran plays as a kid the same way you did, although I never charged for them, hehe!
The shows I performed in included children's theatre, a bit of Garcia Lorca, some musicals (I can't sing though), a little Shakespeare and some original work we developed as a theatre company.
I also moved towns - from Melbourne to Sydney - and in Sydney, and lost my dream.
Certainly I agree and understand how those failed auditions made working as a call girl very simple. From multiple rejections, to men paying for your company... easy pickings indeed!
By the time I started my theatre work, I'd already been there, though. And my lack of confidence in myself was partially relieved by the cheery and fun theatre world.
The downside being when I started to doubt my abilities, there was no backup security.
BTW, I love these pictures too. You were a very striking young lady!
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Hi Svasti--I think I was a decent actress--and I know I was very committed to it for a few years--I've always been 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration--so I think I most of my success came from working hard auditioning. Working in the theater is a lot of fun--and only recently have I begun to think I might even try my hand in some local community theater work. To do so now would be entering into it with only the purest of intentions: for the love of the theater. And that's how it all started out (fittingly).
Sounds like you could have used some of my business sense as a young child, Svasti!
Melinda
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I'm so glad you're sharing all of these photos and memories lately. I never once had the acting bug, but boy have I always had the 'I love to see plays' bug, and greatly admire all the work that goes into it. Amazing!
I also love it, no matter how hard it is to accept at first, when I can see MY part in a situation. One of my favorite quotes is "resentement is like taking a poison pill and expecting the other guy to die". Owning the impact of my choices has made always me feel better in the long run.
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Mongolian girl,
I really love that line--and I have to remember it! So true.
And absolutely--for any of us to grow, we have to see the part we play in any given situation--it's part of growing up and taking responsibility for ourselves.
Thanks for stopping by--
Melinda
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What a wonderful writer you are and what a great soul! Everything about you reminds me of Nietsche's dictum: "What does not kill me makes me stronger." I love stories of redemption, of people overcoming difficulty and hardship and triumphantly embracing life. This story of yours, this life of yours, is such a valuable testament. I loved the photos. What a beautiful young woman you were, full of enthusiasm and poetry. I was a bit of a comic prodigy as a child, and was offered an opportunity to act in a Broadway play, which I roundly turned down. Somehow I thought that world of glitter and fame would make me unhappy. And I wanted a simple, uncomplicated life.
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Thank you so much for all the lovely compliments! You know, interestingly enough--I had briefly considered titling my book, "What Doesn't Kill" but I thought it might be construed as a very different type of book.
I would have absolutely killed to have gotten a role on Broadway as a child! But I do agree that glitter and fame can have devastating effects on one's happiness. I believe if I'd have really made it as a performer, I would have killed myself with having too much and too easy access to drugs. They nearly killed me anyway!
Thanks for stopping by!
Melinda
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Interesting how something can be so much a part of who we are for a time and then it disappears. Though I think you use those theatrical talents in your writing (a la Green Curmudgeon's comments) and in your teaching. And I'm glad you had a happy spell of leading roles and camaraderie in San Francisco.
At one point, I wanted to be an actress and did children's theater (and put on my own plays -- you are right, you were an excellent businesswoman! I charged nothing, as I recall). I think all that interest disappeared as adolescence hit and my family life totally disintegrated.
Thanks for sharing the pictures -- will there be more????
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LOL, Jennifer--I could have given you some of my business acumen had I been around to mentor you as a theatrical producer!
The theater years were very happy ones. Particularly when I was touring--that's one of my very chapters in the book--and was one of my favorites to write.
I will share more pictures--but likely not for a few posts. Too many photos can put me to sleep--so I can imagine what they might do to my readers--ha ha ha.
Melinda
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