Learned Helplessness
In the last two posts, I’ve talked about the deep seated roots that set the stage for my introduction to the sex industry and the first experience I had with prostitution. What many people, who aren’t well versed in psychological concepts might not understand is the underlying theme of ‘learned helplessness,’ that occurred not only in my situation and in the psyche of the many women working in the sex industry, but in the subconscious of women in general.
Learned helplessness was one more psychological concept that struck a nerve as I became knowledgeable in psychology as an undergraduate student. When I learned what learned helplessness was, how it develops, and how prevalent it is in people who have endured abuse, I recognized its theme in my own life.
When one is forced to endure highly difficult or abusive circumstances, the coping mechanism of ‘learned helplessness’ occurs. Young children are at particular risk because they are not cognitively developed enough to discern healthy versus unhealthy relationships. With abuse the normal backdrop of their lives, they learn early on that any attempt to discourage or fight back against their abuser(s) results in nothing (at best) or more severe abuse (at worst). As a result, they become passive and perhaps even compliant during the abusive episodes.
Although learned helplessness often takes its roots in childhood, it can develop in adulthood and even late adulthood. We can see examples of it in every population.
• Of course this is the case with abused children—although we all push those distasteful and horrifying images into the far recesses of our brains, home to the unthinkable; we tuck those images away so that we don’t have to think of those who are born healthy yet who have become psychologically disfigured due to the evil and cruelty of the worst of humanity.
• Even if abuse does not occur in the home, children who are bullied in school start to become ‘normalized’ that their existence is such that abuse is warranted, thus never uttering a word to their teachers or parents.
• Elderly people, whose lifetimes of rich experiences should have taught them the moral horror of abuse, can view their own needy circumstances in such terms that they silently endure daily abuse, often most shockingly administered by their closest loved ones.
• Most well known are the cases of women who stay in relationships that are physically, psychologically, verbally and often sexually abusive and who are assaulted on an ongoing basis. “Why do they stay?” is the societal outcry of awkward contempt; most are incapable of hypothetically placing themselves in the shoes of those they are quick to criticize and judge.
• In certain, insidious ways, women have had to battle against learned helplessness as a gender. Female stereotypes, perpetuated by greedy media often portray women in ways that hinder a positive self-image or strength. I will never forget an ad that was pointed out to me as a young woman in the 1970’s, by a feminist friend of my mother’s. It was a flooring ad that showed a woman’s legs (with high heels on her feet) sprawled out on a beautifully tiled floor; the caption read, “Born to take a beating.” Of course, it was the floor that was born to take a beating—or was it? Only the feminist movement recognized the horror of the ad—to the rest of society, it was far too easily accepted as benign. Of course, this was a few decades ago, when women were fighting for the right to be freed of ‘slave and master’ laws in certain states and gender beliefs often included submission and silence in marriage. And (on this post) I won’t even attempt my analysis of how these subliminal messages might so easily warp the foundational beliefs of men, as a gender.
Of course, not all people who suffer abuse or trauma grow up to be junkies, prostitutes, or criminals but that is where the crapshoot of genetics comes into play. What we are born with plays a big role in how we handle the situations we are faced with in our life. For some, it is very difficult to overcome a tough beginning; just as some people are born physically stronger than others; some people are born psychologically stronger. Whatever fates were written into my stars at my creation, I thank those lucky stars for at having the psychological constitution that made change come more easily.
Behaviors are learned. Growing up with healthy self-esteem, a positive self-image, and an optimistic outlook on the world in general, are not the result of fate but are the result of those hasty or gut wrenching decisions that the architects of our development dictate during those crucial years. This part of our development is not a crapshoot, folks. If you put a child in a loving, nurturing and supportive environment, it will most likely result in a healthy, balanced adult who makes meaningful contributions to society. Likewise, if a child is raised in a aggressive, neglectful or (worse) abusive environment, that child is going to venture into society with a hatred and apathy toward humanity so great that he or she becomes completely desensitized to the basic human emotions that allow us to determine between good and evil.
However, I truly believe that any behavior that is learned can be unlearned. No matter what our experiences or circumstances, at some point, we all have to take control of our lives (and our behaviors) and recognize that it is our responsibility alone to do so. It takes work—for some, incredibly hard work—but I believe that almost all people do have that inner strength to draw upon and that once they find that inner strength, they can find the courage to change. We do control our destiny.
Peace,
Melinda
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Categories: Healing the Past,Childhood,Courage,Personal Development,Self,Prostitution
Tags: prostitution psychology sex industry women learned helplessness
Yes! We can unlearn and we can take control of our own lives. 'Yes' it's very hard work but it's the best work we will ever do, and once we take control and relearn we can help others to do the same just as you are doing.
&hearts,
tt
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Timethief,
Yes, I know you understand the process, also. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Melinda
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Normally one isn't tempted to quote Sun Tsu when one interprets psychological problems, but the phrase that springs to mind, "you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a thousand battles without a single loss"
Zizek also touched on this, by saying that perhaps to defeat any externalised enemy, one had to "beat the crap" out of oneself..i.e., to eliminate the lingering influence of what is external on what is internal.
To put it yet another way, we as individuals are the limitations on ourselves. What is terrible about the phenomenon you describe is how it attacks this fundamental belief, and leaves people locked in a cycle of believing their fate is reliant on factors beyond their control. Just food for thought: how many of the world's problems stems from people believing they are powerless?
Hope all is well.
Best Regards, GC
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GC,
I really enjoyed reading all three of those interrelated approaches; all make sense to me. I definitely agree that we, as individuals are hindered by the limitations we ultimately place on ourselves--although they can take root (and often do) as ill seeds planted by others (both ill meaning and well meaning).
You hit the nail on the head in your last paragraph (and I didn't want to go into this in this particular post) but I find people that become religious zealots often have the same type of learned helplessness--after being badgered and abused by ill meaning 'ministers.' They, also, don't believe they control their destiny--almost all religious zealots believe that their God is in charge and I think that can lead to some very maladaptive behaviors!
Thanks for stopping by, GC!
Melinda
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Learned helplessness (or hopelessness)... I know all about that.
And that's a v good post btw ;->...
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You know--that's an interesting concept. Perhaps you have invented a new theory: learned hopelessness. I definitely think that is possible too.
And I would argue that one can 'unlearn' learned hopelessness as well! I sincerely hope you have.
Thanks for stopping by,
Melinda
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"almost all religious zealots believe that their God is in charge and I think that can lead to some very maladaptive behaviors!"
That is so true. I've encountered some religious zealots in my time and by believing God is in charge of their lives, they seem to be okay making horrible decisions "because it's what God wanted". Like they're absolved of any responsibility for their actions because their choices lie with God. Whatever, people. YOU make up your own minds. Zealotry is an ugly and scary thing. Wonderfully written blog, as usual, Melinda. I'm so glad you submitted your blog to AAYSR - they're how I found you.
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Lil,
I agree--I have seen the same type of thing in certain extremely religious people I've encountered--it's almost as though they give up on living life and are content to simply exist in it. Although true spirituality is an enhancement rather than an impediment to one's existence--at least that's what I believe.
I'm really glad I submitted my blog to AAYSR--I have actually gotten quite a bit of new traffic from them!
Thanks for stopping by!
Melinda
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Great post. I really love your description of "the architects of our development." That's so true.
GC mentioned the damage done by religious zealots, ill meaning ministers, etc. Along that line, I think it's important that in your paragraph you speak of learned behavior as something capable of being changed...and not sexual orientation, which churches often see as simply behavior that should/can/must be changed.
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Great point, Lydia--and you are so right. Sexual orientation is not a learned behavior--it is part of one's DNA--I truly believe that. Having lived in San Francisco for much of my adult life, I have many gay friends--and I not one of them told me that their sexual orientation was a choice--it was a given.
Melinda
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Thank you.
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Thank you for stopping by!
Melinda
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True, true aaaaaand true! I got to the point of thinking every thought in my head and every gut reaction I had was off base. Sad.
The rest of what is true about this post, we can change.
Another thing (I think you'll like this), it is a FACT that cultures/societies who have advanced acceptance of women as equals simply operate better on all levels. The educational, health and financial systems of those cultures/societies are simply more stable.
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Absolutely! After all, women make up more than half of the population in most societies--and if you have half the population in second class status, progress is much more difficult!
We still haven't shattered all the glass ceilings but we've come a long way. There is still a lot of work to do.
Melinda
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Hi! I have dealt with 'learned helplessness' while helping a friend. I would appreciate very much for the benefit of my friend, if you could do a post on 'unlearning learned helplessness'.
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Hi Viktor,
I shall try to do that for you! I do believe that we can 'unlearn' any behavior that is learned!
Melinda
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