Going Batty
Les is away on another business trip so I am alone in the house tonight. Of course, I will miss him, as I always do but since he is gone a lot, I really believe it does keep our relationship fresh and exciting. The old adage, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ certainly is true for me. I’m always so happy to see him when he returns.
Besides missing my beloved husband, a few of my not so fun quirks rear their ugly heads when he is gone. Have I ever mentioned I have a few phobias? Well. . . I do. Bad ones.
My biggest phobia is bats. Yeah, yeah—I know they are good for the environment and there are even support groups for bats—but I hate them. This long seated phobia stems from a traumatic childhood event that would seduce any psychologist.
When I was very young—probably about four years old, my father had an interview at Montana State University, where he would be hired as a professor of microbiology. My mother accompanied him on the trip, leaving my sister, Noelle, and me in the care of our wonderful babysitter, a kind, nurturing, woman we lovingly called ‘Granny.’ Granny was to stay at our family’s home to care for us but this plan quickly changed after the appearance of the bat. Sometime, in the middle of the first night, a terrified Granny shook my sister and me awake; she had been confronted by a bat on her way to bed. As quickly as that, Granny packed us up to go stay at her tiny apartment. While we had not actually seen the bat, it made a big impression on both my sister and me that night.
That alone was likely not enough to produce a full-blown phobia. Upon my parents return, Granny told them about the bat, which horrified my mother also, so now there were three traumatized females in the house. My father took it upon himself to battle this dangerous creature, awaiting the bat’s disgusting presence their first night back. My mother told us he killed the offensive creature with his bare hands! Thankfully, I was long in bed so I did not have to witness the bat’s murder (God knows how messed up I might be today had that happened!).
The real trauma came from the ‘gift’ that lay waiting for Noelle and me the next morning. Inside a brightly wrapped present was the dead bat. Yes. You heard that right. A. Dead. Bat. Waiting for us as a gift! (I’ve told you guys my dad was a sick fuck—here’s more proof). And since that experience, I have been terrified of bats.
I hate bugs also. It’s not quite as bad as the bat phobia—but a similar childhood experience occurred when we moved into faculty housing in Montana. Upon our arrival, we were greeted by a small, filthy, shoebox of a house, which was overrun with earwigs (they are icky—they look something like cockroaches). The infestation was so severe the exterminators had to be called before we could move in. After the fumigation, we arrived home to find (what seemed to me at age 5) thousands of dead earwigs covering every inch of floor space. Terrified, I screamed to be picked up by my mother. I swear—I had so many nightmares about bugs after that.
My hatred/fear of bugs grew stronger when I moved to New York City where I lived in several apartments that had cockroaches. Everyone’s apartment on the Lower East Side had cockroaches—it wasn’t a matter of ‘do you have them’ but ‘how many do you have.’ Yuck. I swear to God—New York cockroaches are the sturdiest little suckers! I would literally spray the little bastards with Raid until they were white—and they would just stick their little cockroach tongues out and lick that stuff right off their little cockroach backs—yum—seconds please! I think New York City cockroaches might also be into sadomasochism because I distinctly recall taking the Sunday New York Times (no pansy newspaper) and beating them. . . and beating them. . . and still they wouldn’t die (I can just hear them, “beat me, beat me! I love the pain!”). Adding insult to injury, they didn’t even have the consideration to flee in terror like most normal bugs do—they saunter off, strutting across your wall at a slow, mocking gait, as if to say, “Fuck you! I win!”
Now what does Les being gone have to do with my tales of phobia?
Because we have had bats in our house!
I literally go batshit (ha!) when I see one of these creatures. I don’t know how they get in—and hopefully, we have solved this problem by calling a pest control service this winter but as bats do hibernate during the winter, we don’t know for sure how effective the pest control people have been.
Only once have I run into a bat when Les was not here. And it was awful—Grabbing my computer and cell phone, I ran screaming hysterically into my bedroom, where I stayed imprisoned until the sun came up. Then, the next day, I checked into a hotel until Les returned. Yes—I know—that’s a little crazy but I told you it was a bad phobia!
So, I find myself here tonight, sitting in our lovely living room—I should be comfortable and relaxed but I’m not—because I keeping thinking a bat is going to fly out of nowhere and scare the bejesus right out of me! And I go through this just about every night when Les is gone.
Thank God, we don’t have any bugs!
Yours fearfully,
Melinda
Played: 1214 | Download | Duration: 00:06:13
Categories: Memories,Childhood,Personal Stories
Tags: fear phobias bugs childhood
Melinda--that was hilarious! I especially loved your description of the NY cockroaches.
I like your blog's new look, too.
Reply to this
Hey Sheena,
Thanks for stopping by! Those New York cockroaches were fierce! Abso-freakin-lutely!
Glad you like the blog's facelift!
Melinda
Reply to this
ROTFLMAO
I needed some comedy relief today and you supplied it. I have no bat, bug or slimy slug phobias. The closet I come to being phobic is being in water that's over my head when others are in the water close to me. This was a "gift" from my brothers who unwittingly almost drown me when I was a child.
Imagining you in the scenes you described was such a hilarious experience that feels doubly delicious because it's not nice to laugh at jam tarts .... neer neer neer neer neer
I really do love you. I just can't stop laughing.
Reply to this
Hi Timethief!
I'm so glad I could bring some laughter to your day--that makes me feel so good!
I can imagine you would have a fear of water after almost drowning. When I was only a year old, my sister pushed me in the bottom of a swimming pool and my mother had to jump in to save me! Luckily, I don't remember this so I have no water phobia (which is good because I love to swim).
Thanks for stopping by--and for your lovely comments!
Melinda
Reply to this
I bet you do not like the old tv series "Batman" or the movies, huh?
Ugh! Your father was sick! How awful for you and your sister with his sick joke!
OMG, cockroaches. I swear also, when you spray them, besides sticking out their tongues at you, they then develop "The Hulk" like strength and run off towards you to attack you before they die. The grosses part is finally disposing of their bodies. Takes me 1/2 of a roll of toilet paper for me to pick them up and give them a watery-grave! Ugh! Why did God create them????
Blessings dear one regardless.
Reply to this
LOL--no, actually, the Batman television series and movies don't bother me at all--but they are people and not real bats (only the real thing scares me).
Yes, my father was quite sick--in many ways--this was far from the worst thing he ever did--but it is indicative of the type of cruelty he was capable of.
And I so agree with you on roaches! Ick!
Thanks for stopping by--
Melinda
Reply to this
Melinda, darling, do you realize that the bats in your house could have something to do with the lack of bugs? A bat, or so I've read, can eat up to 1,000 mosquitoes an hour. I used to live in a neighborhood that you would've considered a living hell...and, actually, I was pretty glad to get out after my one year lease was up. I know there were a bunch of bats in the attic, and, at least three times, I had them flying around the apartment proper (a year or two before then, I'd lived a block or two away, and got one bat in the place). Having a bit of a bat phobia myself, I was freaked out as hell. Nonetheless, the summer I lived there, I sat on my front porch until it was too dark to read every night, and never once got bitten by or even saw a mosquito or other flying insect....
Nowadays, I live in an apartment with cockroaches. They're one of the reasons I decided to move from here (just down the road, but hopefully they won't follow me...).
Reply to this
Wow, Jay--yes, that would have been a living hell for me! They freak me out so bad--my husband watches his rather strong wife melt into a blubbering pool of terror at the mere sight. He's so completely calm--just scoops them in the net and puts them outside. We've probably run into five or six, all told.
The pest people came because we had mice this year (we live in the country)--but mice don't scare me because I used to play with the ones that my father would bring home from his lab. When the pest people were taking care of the mice, I had them also check on the bats and they said they closed up an opening where they were likely getting through. I'm just praying it worked!
I don't blame you at all for moving to a different apartment--and hopefully the little suckers won't follow you. I would research what steps to take because they probably lay their little disgusting cockroach eggs around! Good luck, Jay!
Melinda
Reply to this
Melinda, I'm not quite sure if 'sick fuck' explains your father's actions well enough!
But teehee, great roach story!
I feel your pain on the that front. My first experience (they don't live in Melbourne much, too cold I think!) was as a teenager on a two week swimming training camp in far north Queensland (FNQ).
Not only were they strange, but really freakin' LARGE and they FLEW!! I was terrified.
Then, once I moved to Sydney, I had to get used to them as constant freeloading roomies, much as you've described. Tho, I think Sydney's roaches would die eventually, but I had to have those baits all over the place constantly. Eww!
Although I simply couldn't bring myself to kill them by squishing - can't kill anything like that, not spiders or any creepy crawly. Instead, I'll do what I can to put them outside.
Roaches are the only thing I ever killed like that on purpose, and only with the baits!
Back to the bats (I know, eww for you), have you ever thought that your revulsion for them somehow works against you? Don't they read sonar? Maybe, somehow they pick up on your fear and come looking to see what all the fuss is?
Reply to this
Hi Svasti--
Yes, I agree--my father's behavior was in a different sphere, most likely.
The cockroaches you describe on your trip--I am pretty sure they are (or are like) the Palmetto bugs that are common in Florida. They are just like big, giant, flying cockroaches (as if the regular kind aren't bad enough!). They say that in a nuclear winter, only cockroaches will survive!
Melinda
Reply to this
Hi Melinda,
I'm finally able to read some blogs again. Yours was the first I went to, but what a post!!!! I don't feel as crazy. What traumatic experiences! No wonder you developed phobia type reactions.
Reading this helped to validate my fears of bugs, ants and snails. I am almost deathly afraid of snails. I won't go into detail, but it is amazing how sick people can be...you father again sounds much like my step-father.
CC
Reply to this
Hi CC,
So nice to see you out and about! It also made me feel so good that you visited Melindaville first (that's an honor!).
Yes, both our fathers (mine biological and your step) were sick, sick people--and there's a special place in hell for them and people like them.
I don't like snails either--but I can handle them better than the bats and bugs!
You take care, you! thanks again for stopping by!
Melinda
Reply to this
Ooh! This has to be the first blog i've been to that has the audio of the reading. *clapping*
It feels great to be able to laugh at your phobia hehehe...well because people laugh at mine too. I hate bats! As if they aren't ugly enough, they just had to hang upside down. Ugh!
Reply to this
Another bat hater! YAY!
I've had several people comment that they like the audio--and as a former actress, I enjoy doing the podcasts! Thanks so much for stopping by.
Melinda
Reply to this
Yikes! I used to think writing about my phobias would help them to subside. Nope, not one bit. LOL!
This is hilarious! I needed a hilarity break today.
Reply to this
LOL, Margo--writing about my phobias haven't helped me either. I'm glad I was able to provide a laugh for you today--and thank you for stopping by!
Melinda
Reply to this
Can I tell you what a horrible mother I am? We had a bat in the house years ago when my kids were little... and my (then) 10 year old son ended up dealing with it because I couldn't. He knew exactly what to do because I'd told him the story of my grandmother and the bat (she threw a dishtowel at it, then scooped the dishtowel up and took it outside to shake it free). Still, I've never felt quite so much like a failure as a mom as the day that I couldn't even protect my children from a bat flying around the living room.
Reply to this
Chameleon--Please don't feel bad about that! I would have done the same thing. Kids aren't conditioned to be afraid of things (unless they have experiences like I did) so I am sure your 10 year old was able to deal with it just fine. I wish he'd been here with me when I faced that bat!
Don't be so hard on yourself!
Melinda
Reply to this
HeHe
I too hate bats... and snakes. They both were spawned from the same evil. They latch onto you with scary fangs and the more you writhe around the more they torment you you.
Now...I'm sure this is a "learned" phobia, along with all my other "learned" phobias. (There's the "electric mixer" phobia involving my left nipple. And... well, you get the idea.)
Thanks for sharing this delightful tale brought to us by the animal kingdom. I look forward to stopping by for more and can't wait to read your memoirs.
blessing,
julia
Reply to this
YAY! Another bat hater! (I'm not crazy about snakes either--but I haven't had too many experiences so I can qualify that as a full-blown phobias).
Yikes! My nipple just started hurting thinkingof the electric mixer!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Melinda
Reply to this
Wow . . . I've also lived in some raunchy apartments in New York and Phoenix Arizona--so inundated with roaches you sleep awake with at least one eye open. You do more speed to keep from sleeping to keep the roaches from crawling on you--excuses, excuses. How wonderful it is to have risen above squalor! It's so funny that just last month I wrote that fiction tale about bedbugs (ewww) and just yesterday I read they're making a tremendous comeback. I honestly have no real fears in life anymore. Of course I hate roaches and even more . . . I hate flies. On a deeper level I have a fear of loss; other people sunning me for whatever reason, but I've made great strides in overcoming it. All these things make great ideas for stories!
Oh yeah: one time I was playing football catch with some friends of mine around dusk, and a corpulent brown bat flew into my hippie hair and screeched violently. I got myself a haircut after that day hahaha
Reply to this
Hi Bobby,
I remember that story on bedbugs that you wrote--it was hair-raising! Yuck! I've never had an experience with bed bugs and hope I never do.
Yes, I am so happy that I no longer live with cockroaches--but being out here in the country, we do have the occasional mice (and bat!).
I don't have many fears in life--I honestly don't. I'm not afraid of failure or dying--two things that most people are very afraid of. But the bats and bugs are definitely phobias of mine.
Melinda
Reply to this
I hate cockroaches more than bats. Those nasty little things would survive a nuclear explosion. Although I've never seen a bat in person...
Reply to this
I hope you never do see a bat in person, Tina! They are eerie, weird and disgusting!
Melinda
Reply to this
I totally relate to this. Grew up in NYC and I cannot even write about my bug phobias (too anxiety-producing)...et cetera. I just wanted to say...yeah, I get it. Me too.
Lidian
Reply to this
Thanks Lidian! I know, as someone who has lived in NYC--how bad the bugs can be!
Melinda
Reply to this
Melinda --
Well, you may have these phobias, but at least you know how to make them very funny! I can just picture those NYC cockroaches, thriving off the insecticide.
Many years ago my mother and I were out shopping when she opened up an apron that was on sale. Out dropped ... a bat. You would not have enjoyed this shopping experience. My mother, on the other hand, picked up the bat and, well, I don't remember the rest.
How does the song go? "I don't like spiders and snakes ..." It's true, I don't. I'm not quite phobic about them. But if I knew there was a snake in the house? Well, it would be a different story, especially if my husband was out of town. I'd be looking at a hotel, too.
I hope you've had a batfree time so far.
Jennifer
Reply to this
Hi Jennifer,
Glad you enjoyed the NY cockroach stories--they are funnier in retrospect than they ever were in person!
Well, I am off to a hotel for the remainder of the week. Yes, the bat returned last night--I was having a lovely evening when all of a sudden the horrible creature flew out of nowhere and scared me to death! I hid in my bedroom last night and had nightmares and decided a hotel was in order for today.
I probably need to deal with my phobia as this could get really expensive--but I can't handle it right now!
Melinda
Reply to this
Fortunately, I have no roaches in my NYC apartment, but bats terrify me!!! One of my fears is being bitten by one with rabies, and having to get shots. Irrational, yes, but there it is! When I'm in the country, I definitely require a modern home with VERY strong boundaries between myself and the outside world to keep the creepy crawlers (and fliers) out!
Reply to this
Welcome fellow bat hater!
You must live in an upscale NY neighborhood. My experiences were all in the E. Village (before it was trendy). We do have a modern home but one that is in the country--so it is subject to critters. I told my husband that we might have to move if we can't get rid of the bats!
Thanks for stopping by!
Melinda
Reply to this
I live in the East Village, but I guess it's the luck of the draw. Some buildings in our complex do have bugs, others, like mine, don't. I live on the top floor, so that probably helps. Good luck solving your bat problem! I feel for ya!
Reply to this
I'm glad you don't have any bugs, Lisa! The East Village has undergone so many changes since I lived there--I wouldn't be surprised if the bug problem is much better.
Melinda
Reply to this
It's almost as if the bats know that you are alone ... not to add to the phobia, of course.
There must be ways to bat-proof a house! Hope you have a better night tonight.
Reply to this
I agree, Jennifer! The damn bats are stalking me!
More reason to move back to San Francisco on a full time basis (although I know this is not realistic). I'm safe in a hotel tonight--so at least I should get a better night's sleep. Last night was truly awful.
I really hate bats!
Melinda
Reply to this
that was great! i have serious bat issues, too. not kidding. my bro told me they were flying mice, and then i found some dead ones in a cousin's attic - and then i heard they had rabies - and now the world is rife with stories about how all the bats are dying, and i'm like GOOD RIDDANCE!
Reply to this
Jen--I am so with you--I have heard all the arguments while we should all love bats--but my phobia doesn't see it that way!
Melinda
Reply to this
Ewwwwww!! did my fingers yell that loud enough? I would be in that hotel room quicker than flint as well. I especially dislike those nocturnal bugs and creepy things. Some of them are so icky looking it's no wonder they only come out at night. I've seen things coming out here in Texas since moving here that I never dreamed existed. I think the Texan cockroaches must be first cousins to the NY clan.
Reply to this
I agree--there's a reason all the reall creepy things only come out at night--because no one wants to see them! Ick, ick, ick. I finally slept well at the hotel last night.
Wow--I never heard of TX cockroaches--but I bet their big! Everything's big in TX!
Thanks for stopping by--
Melinda
Reply to this
UGH! I can't stand bats either. We had one fly in our house when I was a kid. My sister and I were home alone. We sat on the back porch for what seemed like hours until our parents got home. I won't go as far as saying I'm phobic but my husband knows that I will be no help should a bat ever end up in our house. Fortunately, bats are very rare where we live.
Reply to this
Shattered,
One great thing about posting this is that I realize there are lots of people who hate bats like me (which is a comfort!). I wish mine were just a 'normal' fear--but it's way beyond that!
Thanks for stopping by!
Melinda
Reply to this
Bats fly in a very weird manner, so they are hard to dodge and/or kill. And, a dead bat is not a good present unless you are a goth. Hah!
Reply to this
They are weird Mike! Weird and really creepy! I'm going to be heading over to visit you tomorrow--I have been all out of sorts this week!
Melinda
Reply to this
I was just thinking about Going Batty and you've really helped out. Thanks!
Reply to this
Good! I'm glad to hear it!
Melinda
Reply to this
I don't mean to laugh at your phobias, but I couldn't help it! OMG! I would probably have the same reaction to a bat in my house. I don't have any phobias but I do get the heebie-jeebies around spiders. My fascination with animals though usually overwhelms my fear of creepy crawlies. The other night, I was doing laundry in the basement of my building when I saw the two biggest cockroaches I have ever seen in my life in the midst of their death throws. They were bigger than my thumb. After my initial screaming session died down, I spent a good 10 minutes poking them with a ruler I found and watching their little legs twitch. Sick, I know. I hope your bat problem is under control. Great post. Very funny. I enjoyed it.
Reply to this
EWWWWWW! Stillthinking--(lol)--playing with cockroaches? I think I would have thrown up! Gross!
The pest control service people come again on Wednesday. Wish us luck!
Melinda
Reply to this
Bats huh?...lol..it's ok Melinda, we all have our creature fear. Mine are spiders. It's funny too, because when I see a spider, I yell for my husband. But when my daughter yelled spider, I'd laugh and kill the little whippersnapper, no problem...lol.
Reply to this
You know--I really think that spiders are the leading cause of phobias! I have heard more about fear of spiders than anything else--but (to me) they can't hold a candle to a bat! Bats just drive me . . . well, batty!
Melinda
Reply to this