January 18 is a red-letter day for me every year.  It’s not my birthday, nor is it the birthday of my husband or any of my close friends.  It’s not my wedding anniversary but it might be even more important to me than that date.  January 18, 1994 was the day I entered into treatment at The Freedom House and as such, it is the anniversary of my second chance at life.  I doubt anything could be more significant than that. 

Today, I was reading an interview I gave for Dr. Nicole Sundene (whom I affectionately call ‘Doc Nicole), for her site, “Kitchen Table Medicine,” which you can read here.  Before I started writing my memoir and blogging about my journey of addiction and recovery, it had been several years since I thought much about those tough early days.  I have been in recovery for so long now that I identify much more with being clean than I do with being an addict, which is a good thing! 

However, in reading the interview, I started thinking more about those early days, which allowed me to reflect on why I was finally successful at recovery. I thought I would dedicate this post to that aspect of recovery, since so many addicts struggle with relapse.  Although it is a difficult number to really pin down, most studies indicate that between 55 to 65 percent of all addicts will relapse in the first year.  What makes a successful recovery?  I believe several factors can optimize one's chances for success. 

Probably the biggest factor in my recovery was being given access to a comprehensive treatment center.  I think many people who have not experienced it cannot really understand how all encompassing addiction is.  When you spend five, ten, or more years in addiction, it takes much more than simply attending Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous meetings or even a entering a thirty-day treatment center.  I spent nearly six months in treatment and I needed every minute of that time. 

Another reason my recovery was successful is after I left The Freedom House, I separated myself from what is known in recovery as ‘slippery’ people, places, and things by moving to Montana to start college.  Even if you don’t move to another city or state—moving to new neighborhood is a good idea because it separates you from former acquaintances that might not have your best interest at heart.  Some days, were so rough, I would spend the day ‘white knuckling’ it, where I would just hang on to anything I could to keep myself from running out the door.  If I’d had easy access to the people I had known in San Francisco, I might have very easily fallen off the wagon.  Building up a strong network of people who were drug-free was crucial to my recovery. 

Learning about my addiction was also important.  After I entered college, I started taking classes that helped me learn more about the biological aspects of addiction and withdrawal.  This knowledge helped me understand why I had become a drug addict and the role of neurotransmitters and hormones in the extreme mood swings I was feeling during that first year.

Meetings were also so crucial to my early recovery.  After leaving The Freedom House, I went to an NA or AA meeting almost every day.  When I felt like using, I immediately went to a meeting so that this became like second nature after awhile. 

Finding people who could help me along my spiritual path was also paramount.  The spiritual advisors and NA sponsors I had were invaluable to me and helped me so much in those early days of recovery.  It was so important for me to see living examples of successful recovery and to have people in my life who were nonjudgmental and supportive. 

Being single and getting to know myself was imperative also.  Most who are in recovery will tell those who are new to stay away from romantic relationships during the first year.  Now, if you are already in an intimate relationship when you enter recovery, that’s a different story—but forming a new, romantic relationship is not a good idea.  Early recovery brings so many changes to a person—it is a time for the recovering addict to devote all one’s energy and attention to oneself.   After a person has been in recovery for a longer time, those relationships will come—and they will have a much better chance at surviving the storms any relationship is bound to bring on. 

I also tried to stay upbeat but realistic about where I was going, as well as the path I had traveled.  Early in my recovery, every day, I would write in my journal the reasons I had to stay clean that day—and I would concentrate on the positive things that were going on.  It also didn’t hurt to have those reminders about where I had been.  For example, I have scars from using IV needles on my inner arms—and although I am sometimes embarrassed about them when I wear short sleeves, they are a good reminder of where I have been . . . and how far I have come, as well as where I never want to go again.   

My gratefuls have also helped me to stay focused, and humble.  I end every night saying my ‘gratefuls’ and take that time to reflect on how truly fortunate I am. 

I have reflected more on my addiction and recovery in the past few months than I have for many years, which is natural since I am blogging about my journey, as well as writing my memoir.  However, every year, on January 18, I wake up and count my blessings at being so fortunate to have found recovery when I did.  It changed every aspect of my life.  And for every person who doubts that he/she has the ability to stay drug free, you can do it.  I was considered hopeless by many people—and if I can do it, then anyone can. 

Peace,

Melinda

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