The Hell of Heroin Addiction
After I wrote my last post, Just Say No to Stupid Assumptions, I saw a television program that impacted me a great deal—it was about the same subject of heroin addiction. After seeing this program, I have to speak on this subject again.
The late night news program Nightline ran the story, Heroin in the Heartland, that someone had alerted me to—and while I know full well what a problem heroin addiction is in urban areas, I had no idea it was affecting the heartland this way. This same story was also featured on Oprah on Monday afternoon.
Apparently, in rural Ohio, there is a huge heroin problem. In a nutshell, many people, wrongly prescribed Oxycontin, became addicted to the drug started using the inexpensive and easy to find “Mexican Mud” heroin (really nasty stuff) to support their habits when they could no longer get prescriptions from their doctors. After Oxycontin’s street value rose to as much as eighty dollars per pill, this heroin was the solution many addicts sought. Mexican Mud heroin is the least expensive heroin there is—it is dirty, full of impurities, and highly suspect as to the quality. But it is very inexpensive and apparently easy to find in Ohio. 
"Black tar" heroin. ABC News.
This program was alarming on so many different levels. The first family featured consisted of four adults, consisting of two parents, and two teenage sons—all addicted to heroin. Only one person was not addicted in the immediately family and this was a young baby. The entire family was living in a homeless shelter, buying ten and twenty dollar balloons of heroin by either stealing, doing odd jobs—or God knows what, really.
Another heartbreaking case was that of a young, pregnant mother. Her four-year-old daughter had already been removed from her home and here she was—strung out on heroin and five months pregnant with her second daughter.
Merry Doer, five months pregnant and
addicted to heroin. ABC News.
Watching this program was immensely difficult for me because of my own experiences with the drug but seeing the program really took me back to my own frustrations with the never-ending cycle of withdrawal and relapse.
Many of you might ask, “Why do people do the drug if this is what it does to them? It doesn’t make any sense—addicts themselves don’t understand all of why they do what they do. As I said in my last post, there are many complex reasons why people become addicts—in my own case, it was to escape severe emotional trauma.
Heroin is the most insidious of all drugs. As I wrote, the first time I ever did heroin—I loved the feeling. It was the warm, secure, and even loving feeling I had been searching for my entire life. The insidious nature of the drug, though, is that you never quite attain that initial feeling after that first—although many addicts spend years and years chasing that illusion.
Once you become addicted to heroin—withdrawal is fierce. I don’t think many people can really understand what it is like if you haven’t experienced it. I couldn’t—before I did. I remember being so sick I would literally be sitting on the toilet and throwing up into the sink at the same time—for hours at a time. Then I would drag myself to a cool, dark walk-in closet where I would lie down and just pray for release from the torture. My eyes were so sensitive to light, my ears so sensitive to sound that the slightest stimuli hurt so much. The constant feeling of your skin crawling, which is capped off by relentless insomnia. The flue only ten time’s worse—but being sick with the flu isn’t as bad because at least you can usually sleep; heroin withdrawal offers no release from the torture.
This suffering is intensely terrible for about a week but I didn’t feel good for a couple of months after kicking dope. Not completely—and this is why so many people relapse. You go to detox for three to five days and it gets you through the worst of the symptoms but it doesn’t address the root causes of heroin addiction and it doesn’t even get you through the two weeks of torture that just about everyone goes through.
Think about it. If you were feeling worse than you had ever felt in your life—and you knew that you could do something that would take away the torture, you would be tempted to go out and get drugs. I would go through withdrawal for three or four days—strong in my resolve to stay clean (God, so many times!) and then on the fourth or fifth day, I simply couldn’t stand it anymore—so I would go to a street corner, hustle, steal, or do whatever I could to take myself out of the hell I was in.
The most heartbreaking part of the show was seeing how few options there were for these people that are addicted. There is no treatment for heroin addicts in rural, Ohio. Heck—even in San Francisco, New York City, and Cleveland, Ohio (three cities where I was an addict), it was almost impossible to get help. If you have no money and no insurance—you have no options. Period.
Our country needs to wake up and treat addiction as a huge health concern, which is what it is. If we start trying to treat and really rehabilitate addicts, instead of the useless cycle of arrest, jail, release, and relapse, we will continue to overcrowd our jails, have continuing problems with drug-related crimes, and see more people becoming addicted and hopeless as those in rural Ohio are right now.
My love, prayers, and support go out to every addict suffering. I really do hope to start my foundation after the launch of my book, which will help every addict who desires change, a shot at free treatment and to give those same addicts the help they need to attend school or job training. I am committed to helping others receive the second chance I was given.
Peace,
Melinda
Played: 332 | Download | Duration: 00:06:37
A compelling video on the ravages of heroin
I think that this link relates to addictions as well...look how many celebrities detoxed while in prison. http://mentalhealthhumor.today.com/2008/09/28/mental-health-humor-state-penitentiary-jail-prison-and-mental-illness/
I wonder what the cost savings would be if the government and insurance companies allowed for treatment instead of symptom based policies. Both the psychiatric hospitals (where a lot of addicts go), prisons and other facilities have such a revolving door of the same people...just what if we treated the base causes. I feel really blessed to have been able to afford such treatment; otherwise, I believe that I would be dead now.
Do you know if there has been such a study?
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CC--Thank you for passing along that link--that is one thing about jail, it will 'detox' an addict--but detox is just not enough for most people. The great majority of addicts definitely need comprehensive treatment.
There has been some analysis that I have read as to the cost effectiveness of providing treatment rather than jail. I remember reading (can't recall the exact source, unfortunately but I do think I will investigate this further) that stated that it would be far more cost effective to sentence addicts who are convicted of non-violent, drug-related crimes to treatment rather than prison.
I spent some time in jail when I was an addict--and I know for a fact that jail did nothing to deter me from using--as soon as I got out, I went back to using--because essentially, the underlying reasons for my becoming an addict were not addressed in jail. I did go to a weekly Narcotics Anonymous meeting in jail--but honestly, that's like putting a Band-Aid on an amputated arm or leg--not too effective.
I did a paper in my undergrad days on the numbers regarding how many drug addicts are offered *comprehensive* treatment in jail--and the numbers are quite astounding. At that time (1995 or so), I remember reading that 84% of all inmates have some kind of underlying substance abuse problem and only about 6% were given any kind of comprehensive treatment.
That just doesn't work!
Thanks for your insight and comment (again).
Melinda
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Hi Melinda,
Thanks again for sharing your perspective. Melinda! It's good to read about your personal angle on these issues -- it helps us, sheltered and fortunate outsiders, get a glimpse of what it's like to be in there and develop better empathy.
ari
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Ari--you know, I honestly think my experiences also make me a better teach (I teach psychology to college students online). I am able to provide some real life narrative to some of the clinical issues we tackle on our discussion board--and I know students have told me that it is great to have my unique and personal insight.
Thanks so much for stopping by--
Melinda
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Hi Melinda,
A hard hitting article and one that really struck a chord,
Thanks you,
flowers.
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Thanks flowers--I appreciate your stopping by and reading it!
Take care,
Melinda
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This is so intensely sad -- I admit, I couldn't watch the video in its entirety. Look what it does to people, who they are, how they see themselves, how they see others. My heart aches for the lives stolen away.
Your description of withdrawal really gets across the sense of sickness with no relief. No wonder it is so hard to kick.
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Absolutely, Jennifer--heroin truly does rob people of their souls. I know first hand how that is so. This is why it is so important to help people who are suffering from addiction. It is a health concern--absolutely. Moreover, health concerns should not be treated as moral problems.
We all have weaknesses where we need help from time to time--my aim is to try to help those who have no one else to champion their cause.
Melinda
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Dearest Melinda
Another very moving and in some ways, intensely sad post.
I've had my own share of mess but of a different variety! But I have had two stints of working with addicts in withdrawal. It's so hard for one who hasn't seen it. It tore my heart and soul apart too. I may not have never witnessed such terrible pain and suffering in my life otherwise. I know exactly how hard it is. I've seen it and sat there during that first two weeks of coming off heroin. The first time round, I spent a summer working with addicts at the at the Richmond Fellowship in London. I was very young and totally unprepared for what I would have to deal with...If I dwelt on it, it could give me nightmares even today...the crying out, nausea...the begging for drugs...money...anything. I made it through the summer...god knows how much good I did. I guess in both cases the people I was with had taken more than just heroin. I've seen and read some very underplayed accounts of what withdrawal is like.
The second time about I worked on a psych ward as a final stage of my psychotherapy training. Here they were administering rapid detox. I wasn't prepared for that either. I remember one man, a so-called rock star, who went berserk...screaming, puking, crying for his mum, throwing himself against padded walls...I remember feeling so fucking useless and medical staff telling me to ignore his cries of pain...I couldn't ignore it and elected not to go home. I held him in my arms as he cried out for his mum, someone to love him, ...shaking, trembling and throwing up all over me. The intensity of this man's pain wracked my insides. I stayed there and was admonished by the duty psychiatrist the next morning. This guy was an amazingly talented and wonderful musician. He was wheeled out a couple of days later..in a wheelchair, wearing dark glasses. He may have been detoxed but I'm not sure how much care that suffering soul had been given. There was a touching moment as he left...he said, "Oi, I'll write a song for you, right!" Maybe he did or didn't. But later I heard he went back to drugs.
I know you, Melinda, understand all the pain that underscores addiction. You will be a great advocate and care-giver. I wish you every success in your dreams and ambition. Whatever I was doing I'd vote to have you on my side.
Hugs, Geoffrey
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Dearest Geoffrey,
Thank you for sharing your own personal stories--I completely understand how difficult it must have been for you to witness such agony. Even as a recovering addict, I have a difficult time seeing people go through the pain and suffering I did with addiction--you really did a perfect job of describing the agony.
One of the most difficult aspects of the early days of recovery is that addicts really have no idea how good their lives can be--they have no frame of reference (I know I did not). If someone had told me how great my life would be--I would have never believed it. This is why it is so hard to get through that agony. If there were some way to help those addicts believe that their lives could be as wonderful, then perhaps it would be easier for them to stick with it. This is why comprehensive treatment absolutely has to be longer than a mere 30 days--that just does not cut it. I spent nearly six months in treatment and I really needed every minute of that time.
Thank you again for stopping by and sharing your story. I so appreciate your insight.
Hugs,
Melinda
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Melinda, this is a very serious topic. You demonstrate courage and compassion in the way you share this story. It is important to touch souls, to encourage people to learn their on lessons and stretch their faith in their own potential. Love takes many forms. Inspiring hope is part of that.
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Thank you, Liara--your comments mean a great deal to me.
Take care,
Melinda
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Hi, you are a very brave person for what you have done, Melinda. I am a heroin addict and have aspergers syndrome and I use because of the pain it causes me. I want to quit so bad but it just seems like my life isn't worth living sober and autistic. I have hopes and aspirations just like everybody else but the quality of my life just goes to nothing whenever I try to quit. I would just like to say anybody considering trying heroin go down to the homeless and shelter or skid row and take a deep look before you decide to go down this path. I wish I would have.
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John,
My heart goes out to you--I know what hell addiction to heroin is. John--I know it is very hard to believe but your life is most definitely worth living without heroin.
I don't know what it is like to have Aspergers--but I do know what it is like to have extreme emotional pain that is so powerful that I would do anything to seek relief. I didn't think I could live clean--but I was able to do this with the help of many good people.
If you would like to email me (melinda@melindaville.com) and tell me where you are located, I will try to help you find resources to help you find another path--believe me, heroin is never the answer.
It's not too late to change--and I am committed ot the belief that anyone can change.
Hugs,
Melinda
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Hey Melinda.
It's such a relief to see that there are people out there knowing, understanding and showing commitment...
My girl and myself, we've been hooked on smack (and cocaine recently) for already 15 years, since early teenage years... Today, we're in 2009 and live in Montreal-a 3 million people city. Still, there's only one facility-with a "huge" capacity for 25 patients-available to help one go through heroin withdrawal under medical supervision. All the others will accept you with your own meds, but none is specialized in opiate addiction. Again, the system will happily put you on a methadone maintenance program, but that's an even worst "dead-end"... Although I can see the benefits of short term meth treatment, I am totally against maintenance. Nothing for couples suffering from addiction either...
And here we are, going through one of those never-ending detoxes once again in a few days. It's people like you and those I personally know to have kicked the habit AND STAYED SOBER AFTERWARDS that inspire and make me believe.
All the best to you.
Sergey and Mila
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Sergey and Mila,
My heart goes out to both of you. I had hoped that Canada might have more resources and more compassion for those suffering from addiction.
I did methadone detox and methadone maintenance at various times during my addict phase--I hated the way methadone made me feel--it was like the dawn of the dead. You don't feel high or good at all--you simply aren't dope sick. But the cost for that is the loss of energy and motivation. I would do nothing but sit and veg in front of the TV when I was an addict--and that was no way to be.
My ultimate goal is to launch The Melindaville Foundation where I will fund treatment for addicts and give others the same second chance I was so lucky to receive.
Do take care--and best of luck to you.
Melinda
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I really appreciated reading this article, because it is based on something I am experiencing firsthand. Not only is heroin spreading in rural Ohio, it's also taking over the suburbs. I live in one of the wealthiest suburbs in Ohio, right outside Columbus and it's shocking how many of the high school kids here are getting hooked on heroin. I personally was a straight A student who got into Ohio State with honors. Somewhere along the line I became addicted to heroin, and now I am watching all the kids in the grades below me follow the same path even younger. It's becoming an epidemic in this city and no one is doing anything about it. My heroin addiction caused me to drop out of school, have no job, and lose all the friends who were important to me. I just wish something could be done to prevent this this same fate from happening to all the high schoolers just now trying heroin.
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Sarah,
My heart just goes out to you. I realize more than most people do that it is very hard to find help--however, if you want to send me an email (use my contact form), I will do what I can to see if I can find an available treatment center for you. You can change the way your life is going--and there are avenues to help you do that. You need to dig deep down, though, and find that inner strength.
Don't waste as much time as I did--please contact me.
Melinda
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This is a very touching blog and was quite an emotional read for me. I find that writing helps a lot with the healing process and I think this is absolutely great what you've done here.
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Thank you so much for your kind words--and I am so glad if I am able to help you in any small way.
Melinda
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Heroin addiction is all over the US and as well as all over the world. It is so scary. I had a major heroin addiction for 8 years, until I found the Narconon
Program. It has saved my life. Now I am 1 year and 3 months clean. For those of you who read this and have a addiction problem yourself or you know someone who has a major addiction, do not give up hope!
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Thanks for passing along the information--
Melinda
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Yes you are right.
Heroin addiction is one of the toughest drug addictions to beat. Every day heroin addiction negatively impacts millions of American families and prevents millions of Heroin Addicts from living the lives they want to live.
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Absolutely, Nick--there's really nothing more horrible than going through withdrawal. I know that first hand.
Melinda
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Such a touching article and point of view from someone who has been there and survived heroin addiction. It is a big demon to beat and takes a terrible toll on lives. Thank you for your insight. Often finding a good enough reason to stay clean is so hard for addicts, and then an emotional blow can put them right back into the addiction again.
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Thank you so much for stopping by--
Melinda
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