Should Prostitution Be Legalized?
I was working in an outcall service when the owner called me at the end of a long, hard night, asking if I wouldn’t mind taking one more call. I tried refusing but she pressed on. Apparently, he was a regular customer—and a good tipper. She mentioned he was a little "hard to deal with," but nothing out of the ordinary. Almost all tricks were hard to deal with in some way or another so I didn’t give that comment another thought. I didn’t really want to go but the owner talked me into it.
I hailed a cab and made my way up to a stunning apartment in an exclusive, towering high rise on the Upper East Side. His place had breathtaking views of New York’s beautiful skyline, twinkling magically around us. The client was well dressed, charming, and very attractive. We made small talk as he poured me a glass of expensive champagne and cut four thick lines of cocaine, which we shared. Within minutes, I found myself enjoying our conversation; he was not only charming and attractive, but articulate as well.
We were sitting talking, having a nice conversation when his face changed. Completely. And. Suddenly.
His pleasant expression transformed into a mixture of hatred and rage and he took on a completely different personality. He got up, strode quickly to where I was sitting, grabbed a thick fistful of my hair, and lifted me out of my chair. Shocked, I started to protest but he backhanded my face with such force that I hit the floor. I shook my head in disbelief --trying to shake off the nightmare. It was surreal. Pleasant reality had changed to nightmare so quickly that I had a hard time believing it was happening to me.
The next two hours were an eternity that’s by now becomes a nightmarish blur. I can barely remember it. At the time, though, I remember thinking I was in the presence of true evil. He produced a gun and dragged me from the living room to a bathroom where he forced me to strip and wash myself with scalding hot water. Then he told me to lift my hands up over my head, where he tied them together to a hook hanging from the ceiling. He grabbed a whip with his other hand and thrashed my ass, my back, my legs -- every part of my body other than my face. I didn’t think I was going to die, I knew I was going to die. Even worse, toward the end of these two hours, I was in such agony that I wanted to die.
Then, as suddenly as he snapped a couple of hours before, he changed again. His rage vanished and he was again the charming and articulate man I’d met earlier. It was almost as though he had no memory of the previous two hours—he looked surprised as he saw me standing there, helpless, with terrible marks on my body. "It looks like I got a little carried away," he murmured, "I’ll give you something extra for your trouble."
For my trouble? For my trouble? "TROUBLE?"
By this time, I didn’t care about the money -- all I wanted to do was to get the hell out before he went crazy again. I dressed as quickly as my beaten and aching body would allow and turned to leave. Walking out the door, he handed me a thick envelop stuffed with cash. I didn’t even bother looking to see how much until several days later.
That night, when I got home, I sat on the floor of my shower, letting water stream over me while I sobbed in helpless rage. "How dare this monster violate me in such a way?" I thought. Yet, despite his terrible violation, I was powerless -- completely helpless because as a prostitute, I had no recourse. I knew the police would do nothing to protect me. In fact, if I tried to complain to them, I might even be arrested. Knowing that I had no recourse filled me even more frustration and rage.
Later, I learned from another escort that this man had done the same thing to at least one other girl who worked for the same service. The service’s owner knew all about it, hence her comment about him being "a little difficult." However, like the client’s comment about my "trouble," this was the understatement of the year.
I’ve often reflected on the question of how anyone could put another human being in such a position. How could the service owner do that to me? How could the client do it? What kind of humans were these people?
And, of course, the answer lies in the nature of some people. Some, like the service owner, let greed take over. Others, like the client, let lust for power over others take over. Both broke away from normal human codes of conduct to take advantage of my helpless position for their own personal gain, which brings me to the real subject of this post…
The very fact that prostitution is illegal set up the situation where the escort service owner could take advantage of the women who worked for her. Moreover, it set up the situation where clients can take advantage of women in the business. I had no recourse to either since I was involved in an illegal activity; if I complained to the authorities, I’d have to reveal what I was doing and risk arrest myself. I think many folks think that by making prostitution illegal, they’re helping to protect women from this sort of abuse, but in fact, it has the opposite effect.
If prostitution were legal, it could be regulated and monitored to ensure that those working in the profession are reasonably protected against people like my monster client. It would also make it much more difficult for a service owner to take advantage of her employees, since they would have recourse against such deceit and treatment. Another compelling reason is in the interest of public health. If prostitution were legal, it would be easier for the women to enforce the proper use of condoms. As well, they could be required to have regular medical checks. This would benefit everyone in our society, not just those directly involved. After all, many women have caught STDs through their partners having unprotected sex with a prostitute.
Some people might say that prostitution itself is harmful. I don’t disagree. I don’t condone prostitution, but that’s not the issue here.
Let’s try to put aside the moral questions of whether or not we approve of prostitution. Instead, let’s think about the human factors involved. I’ve worked with women in the sex industry who are addicted to drugs in an effort to help them find a new direction in their lives. In my experience, most prostitutes are very troubled. Many are victims of sexual abuse; nearly all believe they don’t have any other options. This certainly applied to me. I was deeply troubled, addicted to heroin, and had lost possession of my soul. Yes, I was as messed up as a soup sandwich but in no way did I deserve the treatment I received that night. Locking women up for engaging in prostitution does nothing to address the underlying reasons as to why some women choose that profession.
What good does it do us that prostitution is illegal? Clearly, the profession survives despite its illegal status. In the USA, except for a few unusual localities, prostitution survives and often prospers as an underground economy that attracts many desperate, troubled women. Particularly if they’re already involved with illegal drugs, what’s to stop them from committing another nearly "victimless" crime? The fact that it’s illegal serves to attract people to it, and is hardly a deterrent to those who see it as a way to make money to pay for drugs. And the fact that it is illegal makes it easy for evil-minded tricks and greedy people to take advantage of the women.
On the other hand, if prostitution were legal, I would have had at least some protection. My nightmare scenario likely wouldn’t have occurred in the first place. And, if it had, I would have had recourse against the people who took advantage of me.
"… A little hard to deal with?" "For your trouble?"
No human being should ever be forced to go through the hell I did that night. If prostitution were legalized and regulated, we would take one step towards ensuring that others won't be abused as I was.
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That sounds like a terrifying experience (and one that many other women have had, I'm afraid).
You've convinced me that prostitution should be legalized and regulated. At least that offers some form of protection, for people working in a job that I wish didn't exist in the first place.
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Jennifer--it was one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever had--and I have experienced some pretty traumatic things in my life.
I wish it didn't exist either--but there are so many deeply troubled women who are lost to addiction, who have suffered from abuse, and who feel they have no other options. I hope to start a foundation, which will help addicts--particularly women in the sex industry--to have a second chance such as the one I was given.
Thank you so much for stopping by and for your response.
Melinda
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I can understand your reasoning. If prostitution had been legal you would have had some recourse against a man who sounds like a danger to any woman he goes near. However, my problem is, he would still have been able to find a woman to abuse in that way.
Holland is often held up as an example of legal prostitution and the red light district is a tourist attraction. But, there are less savoury areas where the under-age, unhealthy and/or illegal status prostitutes work and they probably suffer even more than they usually would because they have no protection at all and have to take whatever custom they can get or are forced to take.
I'd prefer to see a system where women (or men) can go to the police and have their complaint taken seriously. At the end of the day, assault is a far more serious offence than soliciting and should be treated as such. (And any moral types who think violence goes with the territory or is deserved might like to consider the fact that men who attack prostitutes often go on to attack other women too. )
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Kate,
Thank you much for your response. I think this particular man might not have hired a prostitute if it were legal--because he treated me the way he did with the knowledge that I would never go to the police. Now, he might have gone about it differently--he might have taken me to a hotel room but I doubt that he would have used his apartment where he could be identified.
I do know that legalizing prostitution can often bring out new problems, such as the ones you mention in Holland (under-age women, illegal status, etc). I am not at all "for" prostitution--I feel it is an industry that exploits women greatly.
I like the idea of their being a resource for women if they are assaulted in such a manner that I was. Most women would never go to the police--I know that thought didn't even occur to me. However, if women knew that they could register a complaint, without fear of being arrested themselves, that would not only give women some recourse if they experience an assault, it would likely even act as a deterrent. I am sure that this monster felt safe in knowing that his abuse would likely never be reported to anyone.
What I would really like to see are more programs that can help women turn around the direction of their lives. Most women who work as prostitutes have deeply troubled lives, as I did. Their work is simply one more symptom of a much greater problem. Women in this situation need therapy, drug treatment, life and job skill training, and financial aid while they are undergoing transitions. It is my strong hope to one day start a foundation that will help women in this industry find a better way.
Thanks again, Kate--I really appreciate your stopping by!
Melinda
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I agree with you and I was pleased that you posted to the Blog Catalog forum on this issue. Please feel free to use whatever portion of my comments made there you would like as comments to this blog post. Thank you for being courageous enough to live fearlessly. Although our backgrounds aren't the same I have made the same choice and I value our friendship very highly.
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Timethief, Thank you so much for your comment here and your insightful and important comments on the BC forum--I will definitely go through those comments and select some that I feel add value here (and many do--lol--this could become a very lengthy comment section). I also value our friendship--although we do have different backgrounds, I know that the principles on which we both choose to live our lives today are very similar. Your own causes are also close to my heart.
Thanks again for stopping by and for the comment.
Melinda
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Wow! I can't even begin to imagine how scared you were in that helpless situation. What a maniac that guy was. And to think he still may be out there somewhere doing that to other women. He should be locked up in a sanitarium I think. It should be made legal so this sort of horrible abuse comes with strict penalties for the perpetrators, thus strongly deterring them from that kind of crazy behavior. I don't think it would stop the abuse completely but maybe - hopefully - it would lower its occurrence very significantly.
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Robert--thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your comment. Yes, I was as scared as I have ever been in my life--I truly thought I would die that night. There will always be sick people who want to hurt helpless and defenseless others but I think we need to do more for women who are in this profession. They have no voice at all--they are forgotten about because no one likes to see the ugly side of what can happen in our world. I hope to one day help women receive another shot, as I was given.
Thanks again for visiting my blog and your response to the post.
Melinda
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Wow! Thank you for sharing that. It must have been very difficult for you. As I was reading it, I was afraid for you and I felt angry and sad. Yes! prostitution should be legalized for no other purpose but to protect women who are in this profession from the animals like that man you wrote about.
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Randi--thank you so much for visiting my blog and for commenting. This experience was very difficult--one of the most terrifying things that ever happened to me. So many of the stories in my book have been excruciating to write about--but necessary to the telling of my journey. Again, I so appreciate your visiting and commenting on this highly personal story that is close to my heart.
Melinda
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Dear Melinda,
my daughter sent your site to me. I have always been
a woman who felt that prostitution should be legalized. And your story is a firm example of why.
And yet through this experience you have climbed up
and become the woman you are today. Your purpose in life is to help and heal others. Woman to
woman you make me proud I hope time will heal your scars.
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Madeline,
Thank you so much for visiting my blog and for your comment. I am so lucky to be alive today--and there were many people who helped me along my own journey to recovery that it is my privilege to be able to try to pass on hope to others. Thank you again.
Melinda
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What an incredible and intelligent post.
I think your argument is sound. Whenever something is "illegal", (drugs, prostitution, abortion) the inability to regulate it creates tremendous risk for many, many people.
Of course, some things are unlawful for a reason. Child labor shouldn't be legal, just because it would be safer if it were regulated. Children should be in school, not working in factories. So, I think it's a balancing test. There might not be any harm from legalizing pot. But legalizing drunk driving could have tremendously dire consequences for society.
I think I come out roughly where you do.
But ... like I said... excellent blogging. Keep up the good work.
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Howard,
Thank you for visiting my blog and for your thoughtful comments. It is very true that many (if not most) laws are sound. I think the ones regarding prostitution are not. It costs are society an enormous amount of money to have police spend time doing sting operations against women in this profession, let alone the cost of processing and prosecuting these women through our CJ system. Our money would be far better spent if we used it to truly rehabilitate. This is particularly true since we are talking about scenarios where two consenting adults are involved.
Thanks again for stopping by!
Melinda
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i deffinitely agree that legalization and regulation are bettar than the alternative.
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I agree with that. Thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog. I appreciate it!
Melinda
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Excellent article, Melinda.
It never ceases to enrage me when I read stories like yours or, worse, about the countless children bought and sold like cattle for the international flesh market, to think that law enforcement's front line in regard to this issue continues to be arresting prostitutes--based on some puritanical idea of protecting married men from being lured away from their conjugal beds.
Sure, it would be wonderful to live in a world where no one had to be a prostitute. But we don't live in that world, nor will we any time soon. The only question is what kind of prostitution we are going to have. And, sadly, in the U.S., at least, the "family values" crowd will continue to push their "morality" and, in the process, ensure that we have the kind based on slavery and every kind of abuse.
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Yoga,
Your comments are right on the money. The reasoning behind the illegality of prostitution is specious to say the least--not only do our current laws cause harm to women in the industry, they make no sense for our society in general. It costs are legal system countless amounts to specify law enforcement to work vice, to process, prosecute, and then jail those who are arrested. The money would be far better spent to seek viable alternatives to help women get out of the business.
It would be great if no woman ever felt she had to be a prostitute--but unfortunately, there will always be drug addiction and the inability for many women to make a decent living. Of the women I worked with, nearly all fell into two categories: 1) those who were addicted to drugs and 2) women who were single, uneducated, with children to care for and no means by which to support them.
Thank you for stopping by and visiting my blog. I appreciate it.
Melinda
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I've just experienced the "legal" and "regulated" brothel system in Nevada. It offers no protections. In fact, it was far more dangerous to me than my working as an indpendent escort.
Decriminalization is a better answer. Look to New Zealand for a fine example. Workers and clients are protected under the law without their lives being unduly invaded by the government.
XX
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Thank you for stopping by and visiting my blog! I also worked inNevada
I think decriminalization is a great start. We spend a ton of money processing/prosecuting/jailing women for this crime when the money should be spent to try to help those who are addicted and in the business. Women who are addicted never work in the sex industry because they want to--they feel forced to because of their situation--I am positive of that.
I wish you all the best and again, I appreciate your stopping by.
Melinda
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Sex work is illegal because it's easier for everyone else that way. We can then justify trying to eradicate it and pretend it doesn't exist rather than face the fact as a society that it does exist. Until we are able to embrace our sexuality as something other than "dirty" or "bad" (except obviously between 2 married procreating missionary-position heterosexuals behind closed doors because OMG what if the neighbors knew other people had SEX??! GASP!!), there will always be negative repercussions for people not fitting the unfortunate "normal" mold some asshole created a long time ago.
So what if someone wants to pay someone else for sex? How is that the business of anyone, government included, other than the people involved?
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I so agree with what you wrote! Part of the problem is our society's puritanical nature, which dates back to its beginning. Women, in particular, are raised to believe that sex is dirty--and that if they enjoy sex, then *they* are dirty. I thought your comment was right on. Thanks so much for visiting my blog and for your comments. I appreciate them very much!
Melinda
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Melinda can you create a legalize prostitution nationally rally in Vegas?
Or at least L.A. You could get some big name stars I'm sure, including Hef and make it like a farm aid meets Harley Davidson Calander with roxanne by Sting. It's against women's rights to have it be illegal.
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I would love to be able to bring more awareness to people. I am not quite sure how I would go about starting a rally--but I am definitely becoming much more vocal in my "causes" which this most definitely is one.
Your idea of Farm Aid meeting Harley Davidson, with Sting singing Roxanne really made me smile!
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Melinda
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