The last post, "Punk Rock and Self-Destruction" brought a flurry of replies from various people who happened across that post. Recently, a woman called me, concerned for her grandson—who has been using methamphetamine for several years. She asked me about straddling the fine line of supporting a person with a drug problem without being an enabler. I thought this might be a good topic to blog about.

Most people are touched by addictive behavior at some point or another in their lives. Perhaps a family member is an alcoholic, or a friend uses drugs—or perhaps a coworker spends his lunch hour gambling online.  It does not matter who you are, what age you are, or where you live; addiction is the great equalizer and affects every walk of life.  If you do have a person in your life who is an addict, then you are affected by the addict's behavior; an addict’s behavior affects everyone in her or his periphery.

So, how do you support an addict without enabling that person? It is a very difficult line to walk. An addict needs the support and love of people close to him or her but that support cannot extend to be any kind of financial support. Only when people started saying "no" to my endless requests for financial support was I able to finally hit the rock bottom I needed to reach. I was so angry when people cut me off and my life definitely did take a hard slide down—yes, it was very, very rough. In the chapter "The Lost Years" in my book, I go into a lot of detail about how bad things got. I was homeless the last year I was an addict, sleeping anywhere I could find a couch or a floor for the night—I even spent nights riding San Francisco’s Muni busses all night because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I felt angry and upset with my family and friends for cutting me off but honestly, looking back on those days, this was just what I needed them to do. In fact, I was able to continue my addiction for so many years because my family did send me money, which prevented me from hitting that deep low as fast as I might have. Addicts must hit their bottom on their own time—however, if you have an addict in your life, you can help them reach that bottom faster by refusing support—or allowing that person to live at your house. This is extremely difficult for most people to do but in the end, you might be saving that person’s life.  If you do reach a point where you feel you have no choice but to cut off financial support, make sure that the addict knows that your love and emotional support are still available.  Moreover, make sure the addict knows that you may be able to support them again financially if they are on the road to recovery. 

Once a person reaches that bottom, admits addiction, and finally seeks help, doors will open.  It is important that an addict knows that support from many sources are available if someone is devoted to change the direction of her or his life.  For me, it was amazing—once I finally succumbed to the knowledge that I was helplessly addicted to heroin and truly had the desire to change, then doors opened all along my journey. There is a saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher is there" and that was certainly true in my case.  It seemed that every step along my recovery journey, there were people with outstretched hands, helping me all along the way. 

For the person who is affected by addiction but who is not an addict, personally—remember, there is always hope. I was as hard core as you can get—and if I could change the direction of my life, then there is hope for every addict out there. My prayers and thoughts are with every person who is touched by an addict’s behavior.

Melinda